It was a shocking moment for members of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Manchester, N.H.: One of their congregants was accused of sexually abusing an underage relative.
Church leaders gave the man one chance to remain. He had to sign an agreement to stay away from any church setting where there were children, limiting himself to events like adult education classes and one-on-one meetings with the pastor.
He refused and decided to leave, but the ultimatum let the church stick to its mission of trying to minister to all while keeping its children safe.
“We had a policy in place,” said Sandra Greenfield, who was the church’s director of education at the time and now holds a similar job at the South Church in Portsmouth, N.H. “There was no confusion about how we were going to handle the situation.”
I’m confused!!! Is it only because the offense was against a child? The UU Church seems to approve all kinds of deviant sex… why get excited or feel threatened if it happens to involve children? See http://www.uupa.org/ and http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_uua.htm.
Seems to me that if the only line they draw is based on age, then that line will quickly be crossed and they should have drawn better lines… like those in scripture. For a non-Godly Church to draw lines is like locking the barn long after the horses have run away.
TEC, take note.
In faith, Dave
Viva Texas
It seems to me that one of the problems unaddressed with the policy is the assumpion that the clergy person is “safe” and that the person in question meet one on one with the pastor. For abusers, as well as those who have been sexually abused themselves, especially by clergy, that’s like locking the horse up in the barn with the dog food factory rep! It never ceases to amaze me how clergy, especially, are so often unaware of their own biases in these matters and unaware of how others might see us.
Clark
I’d be willing to learn what I can, even from the UU. At least I’d be willing to take a look before dismissing it.
In the congregation I serve, we seldom or never think through how we might deal with a sex offender as a member or visitor. Statistically, we should be prepared to have to deal with it often. We have the paradox that, on one hand, everyone can in Christ make a clean break from his or her past; and on the other, that pedophiles don’t have a track record of “getting better.”
Only once in my 15 years of parish ministry did I have an occasion when a person, on his first visit to the church, told me he’d recently spent time in jail for being a child molester– statutory rape. I told him as far as I was concerned, he was welcome in the church, but he was never to be anywhere except rooms full of people and with the lights on. He was never to be alone with any kids. He agreed to that. He didn’t come to church all that often while I was there. I had no idea how to verify his story. I doubt there were any web sites then exposing pedophiles. I didn’t tell the wardens, “watch out for that guy,” though if he had become more active in the congregation I would have filled them in and given them some direction.
Anyway, I have no way of knowing whether I was doing the intelligent thing, under the circumstances. If the UU can give me some guidance, I’ll welcome it.
It seems strange to me that I have had only one occasion to deal with this within the congregation. Thanks, Kendall, for posting it.
By they way, since dpierce has raised the subject of inconsistent standards (sea story time, now…)– Before ECUSA came out with its grand Sexual Abuse plan in about 1993, my bishop (in about 1991) came up with one of his own, which he was very proud of. It struck me as odd, though, to read wording to the effect that sexual subjugation of a child was not a violation of that diocese’s policy if the acts were “consensual.” Evidently no sexual activity outside of marriage was to be regarded as immoral unless there was the likelihood that the Diocese might be sued for it.
Scaevola, it’s really hard when you realize your shepherd is trying to lead you out of the corral to where the wolves are. 4 years ago I asked my (then, TEC) pastor if blessing homosexual relationships at God’s Table were scriptural… and he began telling me how Paul was a homophobe and scripture doesn’t mean that anyhow. He spent a great deal of time trying to convince me the Bible is outdated and we need to correct it. I wonder if you had something like the same experience?
TEC’s betrayal is awsome! They betray homosexuals by telling them God doesn’t really condemn homosexuality so no repentence is needed; and they betray faithful sheep by destroying the scriptural basis of their faith. And the only thing which frightens them is the possibility of getting sued. Or maybe losing their pensions.
In faith, Dave
Viva Texas
As one who spends his days with sex offenders, let me tell you that you probably have “sex offenders” in your congregations already. Some haven’t been caught, some were caught but got off or got off lightly, and some weren’t guilty, but got “caught” anyway. The point is that parents are responsible for their children, and the rest of us should help as best as possible. This business of pushing responsibility onto the clergy or the corporate body strikes me as very dangerous. Of course, the people in charge need to do what they can, and this program seems reasonable. But don’t think it’s any substitute for parental common sense.
The article says the man “was accused of” sexual abuse of a child. Does this mean charged and convicted? I suppose one would need to be careful even with a suspect.
Words matter– I am so glad you said what you did–I began my first position as a parish priest in a parish that had had a rector for 37 years who was a pedophile. I had had no training in dealing with this (hell, my bishop and staff didn’t even bother to tell me about the abuse, and the parish was traumatized and silent about it I walked in there a babe in the woods and was completely blindsided when I learned the horrible things that had happened). Things were so strange because this priest had created a culture where he could get into intimate situations with children without arousing suspicion, and here I was, almost forty years later, in a church that was used to letting the priest do everything because he had set it up that way to keep them passive and compliant! And at the same time, they were so mistrustful–I found out later that one survivor even said, when she first saw me interviewing for the job, that she hoped I didn’t get it because I looked like ‘him’. It was a bit of a nightmare, and I began to work with people trained in sexual abuse to teach me more. Folks who think that clergy know what the heck they’re doing in such situations because they’ve got some kind of divine sixth sense, are just fooling themselves. Most clergy haven’t the foggiest idea what to do when they find themselves in a parish where pedophilia and abuse have come and gone, much less in the horrible situations described in the article above. God bless you for the work you do–I imagine it takes its toll. (Kendall, I hope this isn’t too off topic–it just makes me so angry that we keep burying our heads in the sand on this!! Thank you for posting this.)
Your brother in Christ,
Clark
Clark West, I appreciate your telling this terrible personal experience.
Sarah,
Thank you for listening/reading.
Clark
clark west, Good Lord have mercy. It is impossible for me to imagine the situation you describe. But it makes me doubly glad that I was a full-time mother. I volunteered at the school. I volunteered at the church. If there was a church outing, school outing, Sunday school program, or anything else going on, I was there. My husband, who traveled heavily for his job, made enormous holes in his travel schedule to be available to keep score at our daughters’ basketball games. Their coach was verbally and emotionally abusive (not sexually) and his presence let the coach know that he’d better not cross the line. When he did, my husband wrote the letter to the school administration that ended the coach’s tenure at girls’ basketball. You can’t just turn your kids over to other people without keeping an eye on it. The decent coaches/pastors/teachers appreciate the presence of parents who let them do their jobs but are there.
clark west – with the others, let me thank you for writing.
You illustrate a good point about offenders: they can create a situation where you know something is wrong, but you can also look away, pretending to not see. Denial is an important part of an abusive culture such as you describe.
As the wife of a registered sex offender (RSO), and one who has made it my business to be educated on these matters, please allow me to make the following points.
1. Not all registered sex offenders are child molesters or pedophiles. In most states (my own state, Florida, for example), the sex offender registry (SOR) includes many types of `crimes` and `offenders` including violent rape, statutory rape, teens who had consensual underage sex, people who urinated in an alley or behind a tree on their own property, people who `mooned` their high school principal on the last day of school and people who unknowingly or inadvertently viewed `child porn` (anything from a picture of an adult male sodomizing an 8-yr-old boy to a nude picture of a girl who could be anywhere from 16 to 19 yrs old – both carry the same legal definition and therefore the same charge) and/or sent said `child porn` to someone else via the internet.
2. Due to the saturation of the SOR with questionable offenses, approximately 10% of the people on the SOR are actually someone about whom one should be concerned.
3. 95% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by a parent, step-parent, guardian or other adult in that child`s sphere of influence – not by a stranger. Incestual abuse (i.e., a father molesting his child) is usually the result of a combination of factors including the perpetrators own past history as a child and stressors that may trigger certain behaviors.
4. Contrary to the `they can`t be cured` mentality about sex offenders in general, proper therapy has been proven to be quite effective in lowering pedophilic recidivism. It is true, however, that true pedophilic behavior is the most difficult to rehabilitate.
5. According to a US Department of Justice Bureau of Statistics report (and supported by other reports around the country), sex offenders have the lowest rate of recidivism than all other types of crime except murder. This runs contrary to what we hear from politicians and main stream media who prefer to propagate a myth and instigate and play on public hysteria for votes and ratings rather than admit to the truth.
6. Statistically speaking, your child is more at risk of being sexually abused by you than by the RSO who is trying to turn his life around and wants to join your church.
Having said all of that, it is in the best interest that a RSO not place himself in any situation in which he can be compromised. My husband is active in our church, and unless they are living under a rock, most people in the church know his status. It`s a non-issue as he has not volunteered to do anything with children or youth. He has found plenty to do in other areas of the church. No one has put any special restrictions on him or made him feel as though he should be watched like a hawk. And THAT is because members have made an effort to get to know him and talk to him about his particular situation.
We are blessed to be a part of an orthodox Episcopal church that corporately lives out its Christianity every day. I pray all Christ-centered churches would do the same.
Thanks to Words Matter and Katherine for your response; one of the things i learned about survivors of trauma like sexual abuse is that one often ends up feeling utterly alone, that there is no one to tell, and no one who will believe, especially because in most cases, as AllyHM rightly says, the abuser is a respected authority figure close to home. So I am deeply grateful to blogs like Kendall’s and others for giving us a place to be heard and to know that we are not alone. The pedophile priest in the parish I served in barely even had to threaten the children that he abused to keep quiet (though he did do that, one time taking at least one child up to the church’s bell tower for ‘fun’ and threatening to throw them off if they ever told). He was a stricly conservative, orthodox man, who preached morally stern sermons and was thought of my everyone as above reproach. This too was part of his strategy, as he gave no one cause for suspicion with his smooth words. One of the survivors shared with me how, when she finally had the courage to tell her parents, who were quite close to Father Edsall, (that too a part of his diabolical method–he’d get close to certain families, making them feel special to be chosen by him to be close with ‘Father’ and that would give him access to their children), her mother said everyone loved Father Edsall; no one would ever believe her if she shared it. And so not just the survivor of the abuse is silenced, but those who know about it and might come forward. And everyone who knows the truth feels alone, and that they are the only ones. Meanwhile, the church is packing ’em in because it preaches an orthodox, morally upright message, which is of course what all parents want to hear. At the time Edsall was priest, the church was filled with kids, (again part of his strategy was to encourage lots of activities for youth) with a phenomenal children’s choir, one of the best in the diocese at the time.
Well, sorry to have gone on like this. But I think its so important for us to realize that abuse is more likely to happen with someone we know then a total stranger. And I say this not to create fear (Lord knows, I turn on the news and am scared to death about what I see, as I have two small children); but simply to say that I have learned, by experience, that the church, even a supposedly conservative, upright, orthodox one, is not always the refuge from the hell of abuse that we wish it to be. Hell is in the church, as well as outside.
Your brother in Christ,
Clark
allyHM is pretty much spot on. And, moreover, even incurable fixated pedophiles are highly unlikely to molest children while attending services. Very, very few of them are the fearful ones who crouch behind bushes and snatch children away. A church is meant to be a hospital for sinners and lepers, and not a country club for saints, the “enlightened,” or the respectable. I’m gratified to read that at least one self-styled “orthodox” Anglican Church gets it, while this U/U congregation is struggling to see beyond the moral panic and fear of crushing legal liability.
Violent Papist,
while I agree with allyHM that most cases of sexual abuse happen not with strangers but with persons who have ‘access’ to people who are vulnerable, especially trusted authority figures like parents, clergy, and counselors and therapists, I am afraid my own experience is that though a church is indeed meant to be a hospital for sinners and saints, too often it is also the home of wolves in sheeps clothing, including clergy disguised as angels of light. In my time as a parish priest, I learned of scores of parishes who had had their priests violate their vows–not just pedophilia, as in the parish where I served, but sexual relationships with adult members of the parish outside of wedlock. One young woman even came before our diocesan commission on ministry when I was serving as chair. She was seeking ordination, but seemed terribly conflicted about things. As we tried to figure it out, she finally revealed that in a moment of vulnerability, the priest had made sexual advances and that they had begun a sexual relationship. When the parish found out, as they always do (!), they turned on her, rather than recognize that their priest had abused his moral, spiritual authority. The priest was soon conveniently allowed to resign ‘honorably’!!
And as for sexual predators committing atrocious acts of soul murder in our church buildings, the priest in my parish I served in, Father Edsall, molested children in the rector’s office, the rectory, in the back of the church, etc. Taking a child into the sanctuary for ‘guidance’ may well provide just the veil of ‘innocence’ to cover over tremendous evil!
allyHM, I thought you’d chime in. It is good to hear that your husband is receiving genuinely Christian support from the parish. A person who has committed a sexual offense is just like any other sinner. He can repent and be healed. Staying away from situations that would raise questions for either him or the parents of children just makes sense. A former embezzler, for instance, should probably never be a church treasurer, no matter how deep her repentance.
In reference to what I said above about acts of sexual abuse in the sacred spaces of our churches and homes, I don’t mind adding that the presence of evil lingers in such cases–the rectory where I lived, where Father Edsall had abused children, had a palpable sense of evil. Before Ieft, I led a series of prayers based on ancient exorcism rites at both the rectory and in the church where I knew the abuse had taken place.
Your brother in Christ,
Clark
Egads, I’m at it again, but sometimes that’s the devil in me, I suppose, or maybe a secret troll whispering into my ear–‘clark, just one more comment, it won’t hurt anyone!’ But then again, I hear another voice whisper tenderly, ‘it could be the Holy Spirit’–in either case, as always, I’ll let the body and blood of Christ be the judge.
When I wrote above that the priest who violated the soul and body of his female parishioner was allowed to resign ‘honorably’ I don’t actually recall whether he was deposed or not. But at the end of the day, even if he was deposed, when this is done without open, public recognition of what he did, is handled ‘quietly’ then I still consider that unjust, dishonorable, sinful. In the situation in Central New York, the former priest, Ralph Johnson, was deposed, but without any acknowledgment of guilt (or innocence, though that seems hard for me to believe given the facts in this case). More importantly, numerous survivors of the abuse at his hands, because it was all handled so ‘quietly’, were given no public opportunity to share their stories, nor he his–this is one of the main reasons why, I think, so many survivors and their friends are so furious with the leadership of our church, liberal and conservative alike. What I want to see is not attacks and demonizaton of persons who have committed sexual and spiritual crimes (though I do want them to have them pay the consequence for their actions); as Paul says, our battle is not against flesh and blood, but the principalities and powers, in this case, silence. What I long to see is the church leaders actually provide a safe space for survivors of clergy sexual abuse, indeed all trauma, to bear witness, tell their stories, of hell and healing, good friday and easter, knowing that they are valued, loved and listened to by the church, as they most surely are by God!
All right, end of sermon. Back to the salt mines!
Your brother in Christ,
Clark
Katherine, thank you for your kind and warm comments. 🙂
Clark, besides being the wife of a RSO, I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse – three separate issues (at ages 8, 12 & 14) with three different perpetrators. The first one is now a gay man who has been unable to have any sustainable long-term relationship. I actually feel sorry for him. The second one was elderly at the time and has deceased. The third one was my brother’s best friend who was 20 (when I was 14) and took my virginity (the first two involved fondling). I have had occasion to speak with the last one by email and then via telephone. Turns out he is a believer now and very invovled with his church. Forgiveness was given, even before it was asked and involved tears on both our parts. As a father of four teenagers, two of them girls ages 14 & 15, he was truly sorry and repentant. So, I have a unique perspective on the whole sex offender issue. I can truly see both sides. It’s just sad that none of my “perps” were ever charged or prosecuted, and yet my husband, whose “crime” was non-victim and non-violent, found himself on the sex offender registry. BUT, I’ve said this before, I would not change anything at all about my life. It’s what made me who I am so far, I learned valuable lessons and I have a closer relationship with both God and my husband as a result. Sort of a Romans 8:28 thing.
Clark, one last thing. I’m dying to know if the Fr. Edsall you speak of retired to Florida…..
Sorry for taking up another post, but Katherine, do I know you? Or are you one of the few people who remembers my soap-box tirades re: sex offender issues from the old T19?
Dear AllyHM,
thank you so much for sharing your story. Your faith witness gives me great hope, and inspires me, as do so many of the stories I hear from trauma survivors, to remember that even in the pit of hell on earth, ‘the darkness is not dark to you O Lord.’ I rejoice to hear that God has granted you the gift of forgiveness; I believe that forgiveness comes, when it comes, always as a miracle, as happened to me with my own mother, shortly before she died. She too was a survivor. I know a number of my survivor friends still struggle with that–they want to forgive, but have come to realize that this can only come in God’s time; to forgive out of a sense of compulsion (which unfortunately often comes from anxious church leaders trying to rush the healing process) leads to a lack of integrity and often results in survivor guilt, an awful experience as I’m sure you know. Geez, sometimes the old black flies of guilt and shame just won’t let up! I’ve got an extra strength swatter, just in case.
I don’t know if Father Edsall ended up in Florida.
Did you know a priest named Edsall in Florida?
Your brother in Christ,
Clark
clark west makes an important point: the Catholic scandel of 2002 brought out the fact that sexual misbehavior doesn’t correlate to one’s theological leanings. It’s true that the real monsters – Geoghan, Shanley, Kos – were homosexualist advocates, but they were quite rare in the priestly ranks (as real predators form only a sub-set of convicted sex offenders). In fact, true pedophiles are quite rare; the worst ones I know still have some sexual involvement with adults.
Ally, I remember you from the old T1.9 quite well and have the So Hopeful website saved in favorites. It’s a good counterpoint to the media hype about sex offenders.
Clark, yes, I did know a Fr. Edsall who was a retired, interim priest at my parents’ church. I know of no sexual wrong-doing on his part, but I do remember him as being quite “traditional” and “conservative” but also being just a wee bit odd, something we chalked up to being “up in years” and maybe having health issues. The Fr. Edsall I know (knew? he may have passsed away) was tall-ish (to my 5’6″ self) and average weight, not thin, not fat.
Words Matter,
You have made my heart glad! SOhopeful has been an invaluable resource for me, and I have found great support there amongst other wives, girlfriends and family members of RSO’s – and even from some RSO’s themselves! Do you post there or just visit to read the articles and comments?
Elves,
Can you please correct my typo in #3? First line, “now” should be “know”. Thanks!
[i] Done. [/i] 🙂
AllyHM,
That sounds possible. Edsall passed away sometime in the late eighties; His wife’s name was Marjorie, I believe. Ive got a picture somewhere in the parish history, but its old, and I don’t have it handy. I mentioned above that one of the survivors said he looked like me: I’m tall, balding, with glasses, and so was Edsall; it was only some years after he died that some survivors came forward. I go by his tombstone here in Geneva sometimes when I’m out walking. It has an emblem of the Christ the lamb on it and I always say a prayer for him and his family, for the children who were abused by him, and for the children of God still at Trinity Church, Geneva. Then I walk by the grave of the parents of one of the survivors, Anne, who didn’t ever share the story their daughter told them for fear of not being believed. And I pray there as well.
Trinity was my first parish assignment, the most amazing parish I have ever known, and it grieved me to have to leave, Easter Sunday 2006, and my heart aches for their healing.
Your brother in Christ,
Clark+
Clark, OK, since the man you refer to is definitely dead, I will ask: was his first name Hugh?
AllyHM,
No, it was Samuel.
Clark
Clark,
Ah. Different Edsall, then. 🙂
“It’s true that the real monsters – Geoghan, Shanley, Kos – were homosexualist advocates, but they were quite rare in the priestly ranks (as real predators form only a sub-set of convicted sex offenders).”
There is not the slightest shred of evidence that Geoghan ever publicly advocated for gay rights than I am aware of. Shanley is a more complex case. He was a gay rights activist, and there is some convincing evidence that he had sex with minors in the 1970s. However, the sex abuse cases for which he was convicted and sued were almost certainly fabrications. During his entire career as a priest in the 1980s, he was harassed by anti-gay protestors, so his activism was well-known to his parishioners, and he was vulnerable to the false charges of sexual abuse that he ultimately faced. Those charges were false because, among other things, (a) they were predicated on recovered memories, (b) in the fountainhead case elicited under heavy psychological pressure from a psychiatrically-disturbed son by a grieving father who was seeking a scapegoat for his son’s problems and (c) were refuted by other witnesses who flatly stated that the alleged acts of abuse could not have occured and did not occur. Nevertheless, Shanley was found guilty because he was a bad man.
Kos was a twisted sicko who had an insatiable desire to have sex with anyone of any sex and of any age who was possibly criminally aided and abetted by his then bishop and the vicar general who repeatedly punished clergy and lay church workers who blew the whistle on him by means of one pretext or another. Again, I am not aware that he was a gay activist, but any information to the contrary would be welcome.
Violent Papist,
Thank you for your supportive and affirming comments as well. Sorry I left you out earlier. 🙂
Glad folks are still posting–
One last thought from me for the day. One of the reasons I find it so tragic that the church tries to handle these things quietly has to do with the theological failure here to offer a chance for repentance to the abuser. If the case is never brought out into the open, with victims given a chance to share their stories, the abuser is effectively silenced as well by the church, not given a chance, before God, the church and the survivors, to repent of his/her crime, and seek the long path to forgiveness. In so many cases, they are let silently go by the church, which doesn’t ‘convict’ them of guilt, but leaves them to face their deeds alone. is this not what happened to Judas when he tried to repent of his sin? “See to it yourself” is too often how we handle things, and for that, I believe the church is and will be judged.
Your brother in Christ,
Clark
Violent Papist –
My comments about Geoghan and Shanley were based on stories published in 2002 or 2003 and some regional blog entries (Boston area, obviously). Shanley, particularly, is known to have squired teenaged boys around town in the 70s. I based my comment about Kos on what I was told by a prison minister who knew him. Moreover, I haven’t ever heard of Kos abusing a girl, nor even having consentual relations with an adult women (though he might have done so). It is my understanding that he is strictly homosexual (not the same as a homosexualist advocate, of course). Phillip Jenkin’s Pedophiles and Priests was written after the Kos scandel, but I can’t find my copy and don’t remember what he said about Kos personally. Actually, his interest in that book was not theological, but sociological, so he may not have addressed it.
Ally – doing sex offender stuff all day, I don’t spend much time on it in my off hours. 🙂 I mainly use So Hopeful for reference in occasional blog commentary.
Words Matter,
I understand. I live `sex offender stuff` 24/7. That`s just the way it is when you are the wife of a RSO. Can`t get away from it. Influences almost everything about one`s life because it HAS to.
But if you are not a loved one of an RSO, I can see how you would choose to be away from it when you can. Wish I had that same choice. 🙂
allyHM, no, I don’t think I know you. I remembered your old moniker from T19 and thought the topic would bring you here. It is useful to remember that not all RSOs are the monsters that some offenders certainly are. The push to create the registry and alert parents of children to potential abusers has had its down side. We should all remember (a) to be careful of our own children and (b) to try to retain some charity in dealing with sinners, since we also have failings, perhaps more insidious.
I also agree with clark that we often, when dealing with real evil, fail to call it by its name. Evil loves half-truths and excuses.
I’ll pray for you, Ally. It’s truly a hard row to hoe.
Actually, I have a friend who had a 15 yo girlfriend when he was 19 and is now an RSO. He just got out of prison on a failure to register charge brought by a vengeful person (and his own stupidity). So I am not completely dispassionate about the situation.
Words Matter,
Your friend’s situation is exactly what is wrong with a public access registry. Most likely, his internet “flyer” says “lewd and lascivious conduct with a minor”. What it probably does NOT say is that this was 20 years ago (I’m just throwing a time-span out there, since I don’t know how long ago he was originaly charged) when he was 19 and she was 15….and he might be 39 now, so it looks like a 39 year old man committed “L & L” with a minor! How is the public any safer? It’s not. Just who is that protecting? No one. What it IS doing is creating a life that is nearly impossible to live for someone who did what soooooo many people (including many legislators who have created these draconian laws) have done – had teenage sex with a boy/girlfriend.
I thank you for your prayers, Words Matter. They are greatly appreciated.