Like many men, Toby Byrum decided to have a vasectomy to end his reproductive years. Unlike most of them, Byrum had his at the age of 28 while he is still single and childless.
Two years later, the Web consultant from Jackson Hole, Wyoming, has no regrets.
“I view the next 15-20 years of my life as some of the best years I’m going to live. I wanted to make sure those years were . . . going to make me ultimately the happiest person I could be,” he told TODAY co-host Matt Lauer.
Evolution in Action. Perhaps it’s best the man doesn’t reproduce.
Md Brian
Manhood sterilization has more than one meaning. Part of me is comforted knowing that the anti-child mindsets of some people only last as long as they do. Of course this fellow seems behind the times in his anti-child mindset—as in the anti-child crowd want to do away with my children as well as their own by shouting “Pro-Choice!â€
What blatant selfishness! And what an unprofessional doctor (he got his fee, though…)
[blockquote]“I view the next 15-20 years of my life as some of the best years I’m going to live.” [/blockquote]
I remember being 28, it was struggle with sexual purity, because many very attractive non-Christian ladies were hitting on me, some with very overt sexual references. I must say that dropped off somewhere about four to five years after that era. Of course the other irony is that many single women of all ilk tend to place an ever increasing desire to have children in their thirties.
Oh well, at least he’ll not father any children it’s clear that he’s not mature enough to raise.
Time has a way of changing such attitudes. At 28 I was single no kids, not interested in any or getting married. Now at 40 I am married with several kids and think that the next 20 years will be the best years of my life. He’ll never know…
Even if he changes his mind later on, he and his future wife can adopt. There are plenty of kids out there who need good homes with loving parents.
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Byrum,
As you might never hear this from your son, I would like to thank you both for giving up “roughly 15-20 years of your lives that were some of the best years you were going to live. Thank you for forfeiting the years that were . . . going to make you ultimately the happiest people you could be.”
Please try to forgive his insensitivity and his selfishness. Unfortunately, he has severed forever any chance he might have to truly learn how to be unselfish/selfless – as the closest most average folks ever come to grasping the concept is by becoming parents.
I cannot begin to describe the depths of my pity for this man.
Another demonstration of why age 30 is the new 21.
#6, there are plenty of special-needs children to adopt, for those gifted with the commitment and patience. This guy doesn’t sound gifted on the parenting line, so he and his wife, if he ever marries, will have to hope for a vasectomy reversal.
Who cares? This is not news.
#10,
I disagree. This is an important issue that needs discussion, and instruction from the Church. As a father of more than twice the national average of children (same wife for all) I am amazed at how little Scripture and doctrine inform the reproductive desires and the sexual use of the Christian people who surround me. My family is very often *tisked* in the parish hall for daring to have another child. I suggest that as our culture moves more and more into a bondage to the fear of death, Christians need to think on and reject the myriad ideas and choices that lead one to self-sterilization while single at age 28 for fear that life is short and brutal and effectively ends at 40.
This kind of stuff is nothing but insipid voyeurism made easy by the internet.
As someone the same age as the author of this article, I’m curious. For those fathers out there with kids now reaching child-bearing age, would you say it’s easier, more difficult, or about the same difficulty (financially speaking) to start a family after school than it was when you reached that age?
I know that narcissism often plays a large role in decisions like this, but I’m also wondering how big a part, if any, the economic factors play in the decision making process.
He has done the responsible thing. We parents may not agree with his decision, but some men are just not cut out to be fathers, and we should be thankful he’s discovered it before he became one. Better that his prospective children never be conceived than to have someone like him as a parent. There are thousands (maybe millions) of children out there whose fathers didn’t want them and who are now on welfare, in jail, on or otherwise being raised by the state. Not only is the toll financial, but mental, and societal, as well. These statistics are old, but they probably haven’t changed much.
Children from fatherless homes account for:
[blockquote] 63% of youth suicides. Source: US Dept. of Health & Human Services, Bureau of the Census
71% of pregnant teenagers.
Source: US Dept. of Health & Human Services
90% of all homeless and runaway children.
Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes
Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders.
Source: Center for Disease Control[/blockquote]
#9, one might conclude that from his decisions now, and perhaps he never will be the best candidate for fatherhood. (If so, his decision might turn out for the best.) However, we don’t really know what will happen in his life over the next few decades. He might just be one of those who experience a late (late) maturation and eventually turn out to be an excellent father. So for now, I’m willing to withhold judgment.
Kevin
#14, so the solution for the consequences of lousy or absentee fathers is to.. stop fatherhood?
That seems like cutting off the head to cure the headache. Obviously treating the problem(s) itself is going to be a lot harder than just contracepting and avoiding the “problem” of children altogether.
I get the sense from reading the comments here that there is confusion among you as to whether or not male genital mutilation and elective sterilization is morally permissible or not…
How could it be? Whether married and 28 or unmarried and 28. Isn’t it the same thing?
Also, isn’t this like saying that stupid, selfish single women should have hysterectomies so that they can be promiscuous without consequence? No one would ever say that, except for people with a penchant for eugenics. We Christians need to stand up for natural moral consequence and say that mutilation of the body for any reason is abhorrent.
#16, of course not! If a man doesn’t want to be a father, he shouldn’t be, nor should he be forced to be. I’d rather that all children be wanted and loved, and if a man already knows he can’t do that, why make him? If I wanted children, I’d avoid someone like him.
Half of the responsibility is on the mother to find her children a good father. I have a coworker who is a single mother. She already had two children by a man who was in jail for drug dealing. When he got out, he refused to either see his children or to support them. He also refused to work so there was no wages to be garnished–legal income, that is You’d think she would have learned, but she wanted a third child and found a man who was willing to father one, as long as there were no strings. Now she has three teenaged children who don’t have a father and barely have a mother because she’s been working all their lives. Her daughter’s in college, but her two sons are in gangs, which I have heard serve as the “family” fatherless children lack.
Sue, realize what you’re saying. You’re saying that men who want to have promiscuous sex as much as they want with many, many partners should be able to without consequence and without the burden of fertility.
Your friend should have not only been more selective, but shouldn’t have put out unmarried. That was her mistake. Under your understanding, this guy should have been able to just use her body for his own pleasure for as long as he wanted, and then dumped her. If I guy like this ever wanted to even date my daughter – at any age – I would chase him off the porch with a baseball bat.
fatherlee,
Talk of body mutilation always brings to mind Matthew 19:11-12
The difference being that in Matt. 19:11-12, Jesus is not talking about mutilation, he’s talking about celibacy.
[blockquote]of course not! If a man doesn’t want to be a father, he shouldn’t be, nor should he be forced to be. [/blockquote]
Sue, I couldn’t agree more. However, if this person wants to be a “man” (but not a father) and not an eternal adolescent, he then ought to remain celibate. Giving him free license to rut with any willing partner by self-sterilization is not a positive alternative to fatherhood.
#20, that’s not what I’m saying at all! What I’m saying is that parenthood is a very serious matter and should only be attempted by mature people who are interested in creating the best possible home before they conceive, and this guy doesn’t qualify, and knows it. There are too many people out there who use their (and others’) bodies only for their own pleasure without considering the consequences. They shouldn’t, of course, but that’s what our culture tells them they can do. I don’t see anywhere that this man is a Christian–or any other religion that limits sexual activity to marriage. This man has, at least, considered some of the consequences of unlimited sex, and our society won’t be paying for his irresponsibility–unless he gets an STD with no health insurance.
And yes, my coworker should have married a good man, but she didn’t. (She was actually using [i]his[/i] body!) Her parents tried to dissuade her from the third pregnancy, since she was actually [i]planning[/i] to have a fatherless child, but she wouldn’t listen. They then moved out of state so they wouldn’t be stuck caring for the baby while she worked. (They had already done that for her two others.) Bad choice, hers, and nobody to share the burden with. I’m sorry for her kids. I wonder how she has explained her choices. Let’s see, “You two oldest, your father is a ex-felon, current drug dealer, and hates all of us. And you, the youngest, I used your father to have a cheap insemination. I don’t even remember his name. But I love you, even though you hardly ever see me and when I do, I’m too tired to pay much attention to you.”
Was driving between Kanasas City and Omaha last week, and near St. Joseph, Missouri, I came upon a billboard advertising a doctors’ “Vasectomy Reversal Surgery”. I thought, there must be a market for that. Voila!
Doesn’t vasectomies lead to a higher incidence of cancer?
The more important question is: Is this man a Christian?
If the answer is yes, then he certainly does not understand, or accept who really owns our body and what the owner of our body and the organs therein demand we do with them.
From a Christian perspective, we are given the responsibility of bearing and rearing children, if given the blessing of fertility and the opportunity and the resources for providing for the child/ren.
Furthermore, our sexual organs are for procreation and other legitimate psychological, emotional, and physical sexual intimacy which are appropriate only within heterosexual marital relationship
Is this man going to be celibate, or is this a license for promiscuous sexual activities without fear and anxiety of paying child-support?
Fr. Kingsley+
I’m just glad … they don’t do it the old fashion way!!!!
Lighten up folks, he’s neither asking the Church to bless his action nor seeking a miter!! Childless does not equal evil ….
As a boss, I’ve had the same observations as many of my colleagues: those who are parents are much better managers and leaders. They are much more tolerant of the foibles of their subordinates, co-workers, and employers. They are much more sensitive to the total lives of others, instead of their workplace personas. They tend to live more balanced lives, and tend to keep things in perspective, knowing that not everything is the end of the world. Certainly this man is missing out on one of the greatest joys of life, and certainly he is at his core a very selfish person. But he is also marking himself with many employers (those who care about people) as a person too risky to hire–save for short-term sweatshop work.
This is a complex problem because this is America. First of all, his sense of satisfaction is what narcissism looks like in the flesh. Second, his action is a vote for sterility, and in this, he is no different for the garden variety homosexual. Indeed, the similarity ought to strike you all. Beneath his joy at being free to live an untrammeled sexual life, there is a deep, dark despair which even he cannot feel, because he is violating a rule so ancient – to go forth and multiply, the very voice of evolution – that only in silence can we feel its ancient power.
We need to remind ourselves tht Christ advocated celibacy, not sterility, and Paul, who obviously feared sex, made it clear that a husband and wife were one flesh and should do that which they were meant to do and to enjoy each other.
To be sure, men and women not fit to raise a family should not. He clearly is one of these. And yet, his choice of action is little different than emasculation, if we measure its effect on him. Both cut him off from life, if by life one means the “force which through the green fuse drives the flower.” He is playing at living. Larry
#25,
I have you beat. On my way to a friends ordination in Fla last December, I passed several billboards advertising “discount vasectomies.” Some people must just like to live on the wild side… I sure wouldn’t want “discount” associated with any surgery I had–especially in some regions!
As for the article itself: whether this man is a Christian or not, I’ve certainly not seen evidence of much deep thinking on the part of Christians–particularly protestants–when it comes to everything from contraception to surgeries like this to the morality and ethics of IVF. Like it or not, this is the society we’ve had a large part in shaping.
The most miserable people I know are the ones whose primary goal in life is their own happiness.
Meanwhile, radical Muslims procreate with vigor . . .. It’s going to be a new world in about 40 years.