The aroma of freshly popped popcorn and the crack of soda cans opening while the “Gladiator” soundtrack blares through the speakers are a signal that it’s guys night out at Cornerstone Church.
Tonight’s feature is “Open Range,” a Western that pits those who believe in free access to water and grass for everyone’s cattle against “barbed wire” land barons, who used the fencing to block cattlemen from moving their herds.
But “Open Range” isn’t just a drama about late-19th century range wars, said Kevin Miles, founder and director of the Caledonia-based Go the Distance Ministries and sponsor of the movie series.
A Nice Guy
Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe that God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don’t know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming . . . a nice guy. That’s what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don’t smoke, drink, or swear; that’s what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing . . . or merely nice?)
Really now-do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian man? Don’t listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You’d have to admit a Christian man is . . . bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. “I’ve pretty much tried for the last twenty years to be a good man as the church defines it.” Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. “Dutiful,” he said. “And separated from his heart.” A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark. (Wild at Heart, page 7)
Great comment, USMA74. Thankfully, we’re seeing an increasing amount of material being written on this very subject, all with a view toward reversing the baneful effects of feminism and feminization in the church. Author Leon Podles’ book [i]The Church Impotent[/i] is a must read. And while I have not read Eldredge yet, a spiritual director I know has recommended his work, controversial though it may be.
[i]Open Range[/i] is a great flick, BTW.
Wow, I think you’ve nailed it, USMA.
As a lady, the “Prince of my dreams” wasn’t dashing OR merely nice. He would take a stand; he would live boldly according to his values. He wouldn’t see his “duty” as providing me with a lovely house, a couple of SUVs in the driveway, and trotting along to church and Bible study. He would join me in making a real difference in the world, serving others, and not caring about the material trappings — what society said we should have or how we should live. He would love God and seek to follow Christ passionately, more passionately than he saw his role as my husband, and we would share and live that passion by living modestly and serving faithfully.
I’ve never found him. LOL, I’ve always thought I’d probably make a good missionary’s wife but they’re hard to find because they’re off doing mission!
Teatime2, as Caedmon wrote my comment was from John Eldredge’s book, “Wild at Heart”. I recommend this book to mature Christian men to get them to think about their masculine journey and the larger story God is telling. Not to be read with a critical eye towards absolute doctrine – this book is part of the message of Ransomed Heart Ministries. I also recommend “Wild at Heart” for a mature Christian women to better understand men – as well as the book “Captivating” that he wrote with his wife for women. My favorite of his books is still “Waking The Dead”. All of his books really make me think, and I take the things that he writes to God for further clarification.
I pray that God will send you a man that truly “sees you” – that “delights in you” – and will “fight for you”.
It’s true.
Nice guys do finish last.
VW, I’ve never met a self-described “nice guy” who didn’t have a huge chip on his shoulder and a line that went something like “I’m a nice guy and women always seem to want bad boys, not guys like me.” It would become obvious why women didn’t like them and it had nothing to do with being nice. Frequently stated anticipations of being rejected and whinging aren’t attractive qualities in a man (or woman, for that matter).
Awww, thanks, USMA, but I think that ship has sailed. I’m not the type to marry for the sake of being married and settle for anything less than a true marriage of minds and souls. I’m content and happy being single but I do wish our state in life was more favorably acknowledged and respected.
Buy Christian Louboutin Shoes, Cheap Alexander Wang Shoes Sale-80% OFF on sale. Discount Christian Louboutin Store Heels Online.Buy Christian Louboutin Shoes. [url=http://www.christianlouboutinkings.com]christian louboutin[/url]
the anti-male problem start in the gospels. Look at the Beatitudes. These are rich in “feminine” qualities. And the Christ we have seen pictured so often – pale skinned, light haired with a Breck hair do, meek and mild looking, soft and sensitive, you know the picture – is a picture generated by and for Christianity’s “feminine” characteristics. Forgive and forgive some more? Turn the other cheek? Judge not? Lilies of the field? So that, over the years, the congregation is made more and more of women – which is the present case. We can now add lesbians and homosexuals to the mix. What real man wants to join a congregation of wimps and weirdos and women?
So there it is. “Niceness” is in a sense the least of the problems unless niceness involves spinelessness, wishy-washy-ness, calm and patient facelessness. And I suppose it does.
What then? We need to look at the complete Jesus, Jesus the rebel (which he was), Jesus the Independent, Jesus the bold and brave, not just the “blessed be the poor in spirit” Jesus. We need to see Jesus as one who boldly went where no man has gone before, not a passive scapegoat. Larry
[i]Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men[/i]
I would like to expand on that a little: Christianity, as it tries to mold itself to the culture around it, has done some terrible things to men.
Look at the cultural grind for men: our strength is not a virtue-how much strength do you need to peck at a computer for a living. Women don’t particularly need us to protect them; police, courts, Government, will do that fairly well. Women don’t really need us for support, they can peck computers too, and poor women have Govt programs to fund them. Heck, they don’t need us to make babies anymore. Maybe all that is only mostly true from a man’s eyes, but it begins to establish truth for a man.
In fact, there is a constant effort in the popular culture to grind off all the rough edges of men that make them men. Back when I was young, if I mouthed off too much around my dad, I’d probably be picking myself up off the ground. In today’s world, my dad would be in jail for that, I would be in therapy, and the whole episode might be on Oprah.
The church I serve at just reactivated a long dormant “men’s breakfast” at 8am on Saturday morning. My wife has been quizzing me on why I have so far refused to attend. I’ve used a variety of excuses, such as “it sounds as boring as watching grass grow”. The story Kendall posted is the perfect answer and I have forwarded it to her.
One of the more humorous points in my effort to assert manhood in our family, has come as our son has exited the Marines, got married, had children, and has had to navigate making a living and caring for a family. We have provided him assistance in this, but I have taken a “tough love” approach [when he gets hungry enough and the babies are screaming, he’ll get off his butt and go get another job], while my wife has been focused on the fact that “we can’t let the grandchildren do without”. And so when our son has been in the absolute foulest of moods, my wife has wondered if he should see a therapist and I have countered with “he’s just mad at himself because he’s not being the provider and leader that he knows he should be”.
And my poor wife is just shocked when our son admits that my analysis is true.
For once, I agree with all of the comments before mine. Part of the problem is peculiarly American; we have a century and a half of the questionable assumption that men are rough and tough achievers, while women bear culture and civilization. For a long time, one could run that idea by an educated European male and get an an amused smile, but we seemed to have hopped over the chance to have real equality between men and women on both sides of the Atlantic.
Real equality embraces feminine men and masculine women, but recognizes that most men want to be men and most women want to be women. I’m not talking about sexual preference–it gets talked about too much already–just personal style.
I’m an American man. I like women, I like to talk to them, and I can be sensitive and understanding. I can do the same with men, but those feelings are addressed differently in practice. I don’t need a hug and a handshake all around the sanctuary to let people know we’re brothers and sisters at a prearranged moment. I hoped they already knew that.
I became an Episcopalian because it seemed a manly thing to do. I’m sorry, I’m a historian, so I thought I joined a church with simple, straightforward, liturgical, reverent, and biblical worship, and a traditional theology coupled with a tolerant and humane practice. You know, a man’s church called Protestant Episcopal, and a woman’s church, too, where the little things are not sweated and the truth is upheld and a glass is enjoyed at the end of the day.
I’m still waiting to see that in the continuing, departing, and successor congregations.
If you want to see another entertaining western with a strong moral point, watch The Jack Bull.