I remember a comment by Thomas Merton in, I think, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander, in which he said that it is not speaking that destroys the silence of monasteries, it is our insistence that we be heard. In other words, our insecurities, coming with our words, give them a force and an urgency that sometimes is experienced as coming on too strong by the listener. So not only marriage but community life, office culture, all kinds of places, can be caught up in this dynamic – and for sure it is not a problem specific to women.
Seriously? The woman writes stupid notes and signs them from her bathtub? Why doesn’t she just get out the plunger and Drano herself or call a plumber? Instead of nagging, complete the task or hire someone. Ditto on the remodeling. And if hubby’s a dud and doesn’t want to go out, go yourself. Invite friends. This isn’t rocket science.
The only thing the rest of us ask is that they don’t bring their squabbles and dysfunction out in public. Putting a note in the guy’s sandwich was tacky beyond belief. I hope he was eating alone because if his coworkers witnessed that nonsense, he would be embarrassed. (Perhaps that’s what wifey wanted.) We don’t want to hear about your marital issues, even when you try to make it sound like you’re joking. We know you’re not and it’s awkward. Please don’t make other people suffer because you chose wrongly or you’re simply not marriage material.
I remember a comment by Thomas Merton in, I think, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander, in which he said that it is not speaking that destroys the silence of monasteries, it is our insistence that we be heard. In other words, our insecurities, coming with our words, give them a force and an urgency that sometimes is experienced as coming on too strong by the listener. So not only marriage but community life, office culture, all kinds of places, can be caught up in this dynamic – and for sure it is not a problem specific to women.
Seriously? The woman writes stupid notes and signs them from her bathtub? Why doesn’t she just get out the plunger and Drano herself or call a plumber? Instead of nagging, complete the task or hire someone. Ditto on the remodeling. And if hubby’s a dud and doesn’t want to go out, go yourself. Invite friends. This isn’t rocket science.
The only thing the rest of us ask is that they don’t bring their squabbles and dysfunction out in public. Putting a note in the guy’s sandwich was tacky beyond belief. I hope he was eating alone because if his coworkers witnessed that nonsense, he would be embarrassed. (Perhaps that’s what wifey wanted.) We don’t want to hear about your marital issues, even when you try to make it sound like you’re joking. We know you’re not and it’s awkward. Please don’t make other people suffer because you chose wrongly or you’re simply not marriage material.