Ben and Claire came in to therapy with me to work on the common couples issues of not being sexually faithful and jealousy. They were unusual in the manner that they are working on these issues and what they need from a therapist because Ben and Claire identify as Polyamorous – as does a growing segment of the US population.
Polyamory is a lifestyle in which a person may have more than one romantic relationship, with consent and enthusiasm expressed for this choice by each of the people concerned. Polyamory is distinguished from cheating by the presence of honest communication between partners and lovers about the existence of each of these relationships in their lives. Polyamory also encourages partners to plan rules and guidelines in advance that help each person feel safe and more in control of their relational experience. It is a different structure than cheating, swinging (when people swap partners for sex) or an “open relationship” (where folks are allowed to freely date and or have sex with others but no specific guidelines or values are specified.)
Though I know we are ostensibly talking about “infidelity” here, I have to ask, what does fidelity really mean?
I will take comments on this submitted by email only to KSHarmon[at]mindspring[dot]com.