Most of us have now learned to live with “voice mail” as a necessary
\nas part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would
\nbe like if God decided to install voice mail?<\/p>\n
Imagine praying and hearing the following:<\/p>\n
Thank you for calling Heaven.
\nFor English, press 1.
\nFor Spanish, press 2.
\nFor all other languages, press 0.<\/p>\n
Please select one of the following options:
\nPress 1 for Requests.
\nPress 2 for Thanksgiving.
\nPress 3 for Laments.
\nPress 4 for all other inquiries.<\/p>\n
I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other
\nsinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we
\nwill answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.<\/p>\n
If you would like to speak to:
\nGod, press 1.
\nJesus, press 2.
\nHoly Spirit, press 3.<\/p>\n
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are
\nholding, press 4.<\/p>\n
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then
\nenter his or her social security number, followed by the “pound” sign.<\/p>\n
For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the
\nnumbers 3-1-6.<\/p>\n
For answers to nagging questions about life on other planets, how to reconcile God’s existence with evil that occurs in history, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive.<\/p>\n
Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up
\nand try again tomorrow.<\/p>\n
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious
\nholiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30 am. If you are calling
\nafter hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local
\nrector.<\/p>\n
Thank you, and have a heavenly day .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Most of us have now learned to live with “voice mail” as a necessary as part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and…<\/span><\/p>\n