{"id":45509,"date":"2014-08-07T01:31:16","date_gmt":"2014-08-07T01:31:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/127.0.0.1\/site\/2017\/2\/1985\/onion_seventh-grader_only_has_2_weeks_left_to_acquire_cool_identity_by_firs\/"},"modified":"2014-08-07T01:31:16","modified_gmt":"2014-08-07T01:31:16","slug":"onion_seventh-grader_only_has_2_weeks_left_to_acquire_cool_identity_by_firs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/?p=45509","title":{"rendered":"(Onion) Seventh-Grader Only Has 2 Weeks Left To Acquire Cool Identity By First Day Of School"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Expressing concern that his summer vacation is too quickly passing him by, local incoming seventh-grader Matthew Valentine told reporters Tuesday he now has just two weeks left in which to acquire a cool new identity before school starts.<\/p>\n<p>The 13-year-old acknowledged that he must dedicate all his remaining free time to developing a socially acceptable persona he can display to his classmates, noting that he still has a lot of work to do if he is to assemble a recognizable combination of attitudes, style choices, interests, and favorite bands that will win his peers\u2019 approval during the upcoming school year.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe clock is ticking, and I still haven\u2019t figured out who I\u2019m going to be yet,\u201d\u009d said Valentine, adding that he hopes to remake himself as a popular kid, a scenester, a rebel, a hip-hop head, or a member of some other respected social category prior to his first day of classes at Thomas Jefferson Middle School.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.theonion.com\/articles\/seventhgrader-only-has-2-weeks-left-to-acquire-coo,36619\">Read it all<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Expressing concern that his summer vacation is too quickly passing him by, local incoming seventh-grader Matthew Valentine told reporters Tuesday he now has just two weeks left in which to acquire a cool new identity before school starts. The 13-year-old<span class=\"ellipsis\">&hellip;<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"read-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/?p=45509\">Read more &#8250;<\/a><\/div>\n<p><!-- end of .read-more --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":794,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39,49,50,209,111,194,110],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-45509","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture-watch","category-general-interest","category-international-news-commentary","category-americau-s-a","category-education","category-humor-trivia","category-teens-youth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45509","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/794"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=45509"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45509\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=45509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=45509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=45509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}