\u201cThere are just as many ways of being a nonparent as there are of being a parent,\u201d\u009d Daum writes in the introduction. \u201cYou can be cool about it or you can be a jerk about it.\u201d\u009d Unfortunately, almost all the contributors to Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed\u201d\u201dwith the notable exception of the English novelist Geoff Dyer, whose genuinely funny and self-aware essay correctly labels regret in life as \u201cthe jackpot you are guaranteed to win\u201d\u009d\u201d\u201dcome off as jerks.<\/p>\n
The contributors are professional writers, and many of them assume this means they are entitled to be moody, crankily eccentric, or even borderline insane. Being a \u201ccreative person,\u201d\u009d we are told\u201d\u201dplease insert your own skeptical cough or two here\u201d\u201dapparently excuses a multitude of sins, including regular breakdowns and grown-up tantrums. Being a \u201ccreative person\u201d\u009d also apparently allows for Costco-sized carts filled with delusions of grandeur and hefty doses of drama. (The proverbial carts of parents, meanwhile, are filled with to-do lists, bulk diapers, and even bulkier cases of wine.)<\/p>\n
\u201cWriting had saved my life,\u201d\u009d Sigrid Nunez writes in her chapter, \u201cand if I could not write, I would die.\u201d\u009d Children, apparently, often make a hash of the world of great art: Young humans, the novelist Lionel Shriver notes, \u201cwould have messed up my apartment. In the main, they are ungrateful. They would have siphoned too much time away from the writing of my precious books.\u201d\u009d Attention, everyone: It is officially time to get off Lionel Shriver\u2019s lawn. But first, should someone inform her that her cultural influence is likely dwarfed by people like, oh, I don\u2019t know, the fertile founder of Chick-fil-A?<\/p>\n