Over the last several decades we\u2019ve come to a different take on marriage, as part of a much larger cultural shift I discussed before. Marriage is now primarily a relationship for the betterment and self-fulfillment of two individuals. Two are stronger than one, after all. Together two individuals can better gratify each other\u2019s desires and fulfill each others needs\u201d\u201dright up until the moment they no longer seem able or willing, of course.<\/p>\n
None of that is false, so far as it goes. But when you take this understanding of marriage and place it within the context of a self-indulgent culture like ours, you create marriages between two people looking to get the most out of the relationship for themselves. University of Virginia sociologist Sarah Corse and Harvard sociologist Jennifer Silva, for instance, describe the rise of \u201ctherapeutic\u201d\u009d marriage, which centers on the \u201chappiness, equality, mutuality, and self-actualization of individuals.\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n
When the individuals involved think they can get more for themselves outside the marriage, they cheat or just \u201cconsciously uncouple,\u201d\u009d to use Gwyneth Paltrow\u2019s morally beatific euphemism for divorce. \u201c[W]e don\u2019t divorce\u201d\u201dor have affairs\u201d\u201dbecause we are unhappy but because we could be happier,\u201d\u009d explains therapist Esther Perel.<\/p>\n