A few years before Craig Sanders lost his father to suicide, a music pastor in their South Carolina town took his life.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember the superficial and judgmental anger I had toward him,\u201d\u009d Sanders said. \u201cHow could you do that to your daughters? What a selfish act.\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n
When his own father, Larry, a pastor plagued by depression and insecurity, died, Sanders was also angry at him. But it wasn\u2019t the same; this time, he sought to understand the complexities of mental health and other issues behind his dad’s decision to take his life. Sanders felt hurt at being left behind and frustrated with a pastorate that doesn\u2019t make it easy to get help.
\u201cI remember the last conversation with him on the phone. He said, \u201d\u02dcCraig, I\u2019m a failure.\u2019 And I couldn\u2019t believe what I was hearing. I said, \u201d\u02dcDad, you\u2019re my hero. Do you understand that all my life I\u2019ve tried to measure up to you? I\u2019m at seminary because I want to be like you.\u2019\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n
Larry\u2019s depression, which was in part biological, had likely worsened from diabetes medication, church conflicts, and unhealthy comparison with other ministers, Sanders said. \u201cHe really got stuck in the comparison game. . . . He was doing a doctor of ministry degree and reading books on church growth, looking at models of how to make your church grow. He was like, \u201d\u02dcIf I\u2019m doing these things and my church isn\u2019t growing, what does that say about me?\u2019\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n