{"id":56719,"date":"2016-12-16T16:30:23","date_gmt":"2016-12-16T16:30:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/127.0.0.1\/site\/2017\/2\/1985\/the_economist_profiles_relationship_guru_esther_perel_advocate_of_monogamis\/"},"modified":"2016-12-16T16:30:23","modified_gmt":"2016-12-16T16:30:23","slug":"the_economist_profiles_relationship_guru_esther_perel_advocate_of_monogamis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/?p=56719","title":{"rendered":"The Economist Profiles Relationship Guru Esther Perel, advocate of \u201cmonogamish\u201d\u009dness"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-lang=\"en\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Adultery, says Esther Perel, is part of human nature. We need to stop beating ourselves up about it <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/3rma5bL6xq\">https:\/\/t.co\/3rma5bL6xq<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/6zn69w7gzM\">pic.twitter.com\/6zn69w7gzM<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; The Economist (@TheEconomist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/TheEconomist\/status\/809636420763734020\">December 16, 2016<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nSeth and his girlfriend of many years were already engaged when he discovered she had cheated on him. It was only once, with a co-worker, but the betrayal stung. \u201cI had jealousy, insecurity, anger, fear,\u201d\u009d he recalls. \u201cIt was really hard to talk about it.\u201d\u009d He wondered whether his fianc\u00c3\u00a9e\u2019s infidelity meant there was something fundamentally wrong with their otherwise loving relationship. He worried it was a sign that their marriage would be doomed. He also still felt guilty about an indiscretion of his own years earlier, when he\u2019d had a one-night stand with an acquaintance. \u201cI knew that what I had done meant nothing,\u201d\u009d said Seth, a New York-based entrepreneur in his early 30s. \u201cIt felt like a bit of an adventure, and I went for it.\u201d\u009d But anxiety about these dalliances gnawed at his conscience. How could he and his fianc\u00c3\u00a9e promise to be monogamous for a lifetime if they were already struggling to stay loyal to each other? Did their momentary lapses of judgment spell bigger problems for their union?<br \/>For help answering these questions, Seth and his partner went to Esther Perel, a Belgian-born psychotherapist who is renowned for her work with couples. Her two TED talks \u201d\u201c about the challenge of maintaining passion in long-term relationships and the temptations of infidelity \u201d\u201c have been viewed over 15m times. Her bestselling 2006 book \u201cMating in Captivity\u201d\u009d, translated into 26 languages, skilfully examined our conflicting needs for domestic security and erotic novelty. Recently she has taken her work further, into more controversial terrain. Her forthcoming book \u201cThe State of Affairs\u201d\u009d, expected in late 2017, addresses the thorny matter of why people stray and how we should handle it when they do. When Perel is not seeing clients in New York, she is travelling the world speaking to packed conferences and ideas festivals about the elusiveness of desire in otherwise contented relationships. After Seth saw Perel speak at one such conference, he sought her out for guidance with his fianc\u00c3\u00a9e.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEsther helped us understand that perfection is not possible in relationships,\u201d\u009d he explains to me. With Perel\u2019s help, Seth and his fianc\u00c3\u00a9e have come to embrace a relationship they are calling \u201cmonogamish\u201d\u009d \u201d\u201c that is, they will aspire to be faithful to each other, but also tolerate the occasional fling. \u201cIt just never occurred to us that this is something we could strive for,\u201d\u009d he says. \u201cBut why should everything we built be destroyed by a minor infidelity?\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.1843magazine.com\/features\/whats-wrong-with-infidelity\">Read it all<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Adultery, says Esther Perel, is part of human nature. We need to stop beating ourselves up about it https:\/\/t.co\/3rma5bL6xq pic.twitter.com\/6zn69w7gzM &mdash; The Economist (@TheEconomist) December 16, 2016 Seth and his girlfriend of many years were already engaged when he discovered<span class=\"ellipsis\">&hellip;<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"read-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/?p=56719\">Read more &#8250;<\/a><\/div>\n<p><!-- end of .read-more --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":794,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39,50,209,175,168,200,98,125,177,129,34,126],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture-watch","category-international-news-commentary","category-americau-s-a","category-anthropology","category-ethics-moral-theology","category-europe","category-marriage-family","category-men","category-pastoral-theology","category-psychology","category-theology","category-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56719","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/794"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=56719"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56719\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=56719"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=56719"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kendallharmon.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=56719"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}