Let\u2019s say Sara walks into your church. She looks like a man dressed as a woman. One question she will be asking is, \u201cAm I welcome here?\u201d In the spirit of a redemptive witness, I hope to communicate to her through my actions: \u201cYes, you are in the right place. We want you here.\u201d<\/p>\n
If I am drawn to a conversation or relationship with her, I hope to approach her not as a project, but as a person seeking real and sustained relationship, which is characterized by empathy as well as encouragement to walk faithfully with Christ. But I should not try to \u201cfix\u201d her, because unless I\u2019m her professional therapist, I\u2019m not privy to the best way to resolve her gender dysphoria. Rather, Christians are to foster the kinds of relationships that will help us know and love and obey Jesus better than we did yesterday. That is redemption.<\/p>\n
If Sara shares her name with me, as a clinician and Christian, I use it. I do not use this moment to shout \u201cIntegrity!\u201d by using her male name or pronoun, which clearly goes against that person\u2019s wishes. It is an act of respect, even if we disagree, to let the person determine what they want to be called. If we can\u2019t grant them that, it\u2019s going to be next to impossible to establish any sort of relationship with them.<\/p>\n
The exception is that, as a counselor, I defer to a parent\u2019s preference for their teenager\u2019s name and gender pronoun. Even here I talk with the parent about the benefits and drawbacks of what they want and what their teenager wants if the goal is to establish a sustained, meaningful relationship with their child.<\/p>\n
Also, we can avoid gossip about Sara and her family. Gossip fuels the shame that drives people away from the church; gossip prevents whole families from receiving support.<\/p>\n