Brian Rauber grew up in church, slacked off during college, then stopped going to church altogether.
He stayed away for 10 years.
Caridad Cruz was active as a youth in a conservative congregation, but she stopped, too, and avoided church for eight years.
Even during those years away from church, they considered themselves Christians.
Rauber, 35, and Cruz, 26, are examples of people in a recent Barna Group survey that found that three out of five U.S. adults who don’t attend church are self-described Christians.
A total of 28 percent of the U.S. adult population said they had not attended church in the past six months.
Read the whole article from McClatchy from the local paper’s Faith and Values section.
Unfortunately, there has been an attitudinal shift in modern society as to the special nature of Sunday mornings as a time of corporate worship. One has only to look at the number of team practices, games, and special weekend field trips that are scheduled for kids on Sunday mornings. They are reprimanded by their coaches if they miss or are late. Also, more folks must be at work elsewhere during Sunday services, which tends to make Sunday “just another day” in the week. Those who have gotten out of the habit of going to church regularly go shopping at stores that open earlier than they did in the past. There’s a small-dog owners’ meet-up group that I’ve never gone to, although it sounds like fun. Reason? They meet at 10am Sunday mornings. Sigh! Enough said.
You will do what you love.
Are not Christians part of a worshipping community of other Christians? How are non-church-goers then called Christians?
desert padre
So much, then, for that tired old concept of the church as the body of Christ. Too inconvenient, or something.
The church has bought into the “Me and Jesus” way of thinking, and has failed to educate on the deeper meaning of Christianity as the Body of Christ on earth, and the essential place of community worship in that organic entity.
The most annoying thing in my area is that practices are very rarely scheduled for Saturdays, out of consideration for a relatively small number of Jewish kids… so they are scheduled on Sunday instead!
I thought we gathered together to worship God. Since when is worship about what [b]I[/b] get out of it? Are we now worshiping ourselves? My Dear Lord! Have we become [i]that[/i] addicted to navel gazing? (all questions asked rhetorically)
I know how much I miss by not being in church–yesterday I was bed bound and couldn’t go and was discouraged. I think it is the “Common Prayer” aspect that means so much to me, the fact that other believers are worshiping and praising the same One God in a manner that He has commended–all believers together in one mind and heart.
Okay….here is my own recurring Ior question: For he who has not attended church for 8 or so years, what happens if he were to die unexpectedly one morning in a head on collision? How could he be prepared?
Hey, we did this to ourselves in ’76: “The duty of all Christians is to follow Christ; to come together [i]week by week[/i] for corporate worship…” ( ’79 BCP p. 856), replacing the former “to worship God every Sunday in his Church” –’28 BCP p. 291. We conformed ourselves to the world, and the world has upped its ante til we are busted.
Not only does that erode the Sunday-focus, the emphasis on togetherness rather than worship [i]of God[/i] sets a tone of the narcissism of [u]our[/u] needs and feelings, rather than their transcendence. We’re just getting what we asked for from the folks.
There are two reasons I rarely attend church, yet I hope I may still call myself a Christian. First, almost all my work after university has included working weekends and evenings. Whether teaching ESL, or working retail, the weekends are prime time. Someone must man the store when all the people come shopping after church. But perhaps no real Christian should do such work?
Second, I am single. Worse, a never-married single, making church at times, even most of the time, one of the most lonely things on the planet. I am aware that church is for communal worship of God-he is the focus. However, it is also a place that is family centered and a community of people and singles don’t fit well. I grew up in church and attended all through college, but when I stopped being the university minister’s charge, I stopped being part of the group. After months of nothing more than “Hi, how are you? Fine, you?” by the people around you before, during, and after the service, you begin to think that you can sing songs and read the liturgy etc at home. God is still the focus; Jesus prayed alone all the time, and nobody will notice you’re missing anyway. How often does the sermon focus on family? When was the last time your priest or a speaker talked about singleness being a blessing, without the focus being either monastic or a missionary? If they did speak of it, did you or any of the congregation really believe a word of it?
Chris H.: The best friendships forged within the church family are often forged weekdays and away from the sanctuary. The weekday worship opportunities, the service opportunities and the dining opportunities(!) offer times for deepening relationships. I hope you will make use of them. The unmarried members of our Church are very important to us. They are very easy to love
and embrace.
Chris, I understand entirely where you are coming from. I was involved in attempts to set up a post-college singles ministry at three different churches, and the best one was a fizzle. Other two got taken over by the ubiquitous newlyweds (or worse, couples who were openly just shopping for a church that would be pretty for the wedding). It is a very real problem, church as we do it currently in the US is set up for families. Heck, my wife and I (meeting her is the best thing to come out of those attempts at a singles ministry) feel somewhat ostracized for our lack of babies and have stopped attending Sunday School as a result. It is a sticky issue, and one to which I do not have anything like an answer.
Christ H., you still have not gotten the “I” and what in it for me” out of your reasons. Do you participate in any of the study groups; have you inquired whether there is a singles group — perhaps you could start one; why not try attending groups you perceive as for couples, there may be other singles there looking for other singles. Don’t liimit the possibilities. As a now-retired-still-active-priest, I’ve heard your excuses many times.
desert padre
Chris H, although I’m probably older than what you are, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s sometimes lonely to attend a church where you know no one, especially when you’re single. But don’t let that stop you from going. Find a parish where you feel comfortable with the worship service, and don’t worry about whether or not you’ll meet your soulmate there. When worshipping God is the focus, when you can feel the joy and peace that comes from His Presence, things seem to fall into place in other parts of your life, as well.
Chris H. – I don’t think your experience is unusual, nor it rare to feel as you do. Many people are Christians as you are, but stop attending when away from family, or when the close group they have experienced at university or on a course such as Alpha is removed. Sometimes we find that Christians in churches are not particularly welcoming and don’t perhaps behave as we think they should. It has certainly been true that I have had periods away from the church when I was busy with work and I have to say put God on the back burner as unfinished business.
But I would say it is very hard to be a Christian on your own and without the support of a group around you – it can be really helpful, and the best Christian experience is more easily nurtured in community where you can discuss and share things.
I think desertpadre’s advice is good. Check out local churches or groups for one which suits you, and if necessary start your own for bible study and mutual support. You might even find that on the internet. And remember, when you venture into church – to look out for the person sitting quietly at the back looking lost, who feels just the way you do – chat to them and you may find that God has sent you into that situation for that purpose. I will promise you you won’t regret it.
Best of luck.
PM
Wow. I see a lot of finger pointing in these comments. Which I KNOW is on reason, why many christians do not attend church.
I see several additional reasons 1) Too many rules and too much legalism; 2) those injured by leaders and others within the church; 3) those put-off by the general lack of love. I call the Christians who do not attend the de-churched (vs the un-churched). It’s not that they’ve never heard of Jesus, or that that don’t have a relationship Him, it’s just that the human institution of the Christian religion lacks integrity, at times – IMHO.
As one who occasionally misses Sunday worship because of being on-call (no Virginia, accidents and illness don’t take a break on Sundays or holidays), I have some sympathy for those in the same boat. But I have tried wherever possible to swap calls to make it to Sunday services and other church activities (Bible study) as much as humanly possible. And, now that I’m a dad, I feel doubly so, in order to demonstrate to my daughter that Sundays are the Lord’s Day, and not the world’s.
To those who lament sports practices on Sundays, at the risk of indulging in the “finger-pointing” and “legalism” that stevejax alleges, I have a simple question: why not simply tell the coaches, “Sorry, Sundays are our Sabbath. Our kids don’t sacrifice their faith for the ‘tyranny of soccer [or whatever the sport is].'” Why are the coaches so accomodating to the small minority of Jewish kids, but not so to Christians? Is it because we as Christians don’t walk OUR talk, and keep the Sabbath holy?? Last time I checked, the Ten Commandments still applied to those of the New Covenant, too.
If the world doesn’t respect us, it may be in part because we do not live our faith out and endure the costs of doing so. I’d far rather have my children grow up with a zeal for worship and respect for the Lord’s Day than be great at some sport.
Jeff and Padre, Guilty as charged I’m afraid when it comes to not understanding what’s special about corporate worship, or at least not corporate worship where nobody cares. I attend occasionally for the Eucharist, but that’s about it. How is one a part of the body of Christ if you are not an accepted part of the group? I really don’t understand what is special about the BCP,Creeds,liturgy,etc. in a group of strangers versus doing it alone. Feel free to email me an answer to that.
Yes, people come to church as much to be a part of a group as to worship. Yes, the main part is focused on God, but what is passing the peace for if not for being part of the group? I dare you to try having no conversations before, during,and after church for a month beyond “Hi, how are you? Fine, You? Great, Bye” This includes during coffee and potlucks. Then imagine that is all the contact you will have for the next year and see how much you enjoy “corporate worship.”
I know, Padre, that you are right about making more of an effort to meet people and get involved, but when a single admits they’ve never married– it usually comes up in the introductory conversation– they often get a “[b]Look[/b]”, which is either pity mixed with condescension or an odd expression of: “Nobody’s actually celibate anymore, so she’s either sleeping around, and/or she’s a lesbian.” Either look means I will not be a part of that person’s group at church. Perhaps I and other singles are too sensitive, but people are social animals and we’re all constantly watching to see if we’re “in”. And church is a family affair.
Chris H., yes I hear what you are saying. I’ve been down the same road, though not as a single. My family andd I once moved to a new city, and when we visited the large Episcopal church in town, as we left the service, we introduced ourselves to the rector and invited him to call on us. His answer was “I don’t make house calls, I’m to busy for house calls.” Whereupon he turned and began to speak with someone he was obviously on very friendly terms with, just leaving us standing there. Fortunately for us, a gentleman standing behind us had heard what was said, and he scooped us up and took us to coffee hour, introduced us around, and we became an intregral part of the parish and later went to seminary from that parish. So I don’t know how we combat that part of the deal. But I do know that we must never sink into the “what’s in this for me” syndrome, because everything is in it for us, and we must not let some unkind, unthinking, folks turn us away from it. Remember the Samaritan woman who, upon being spurned by Jesus, came right back at him with the bit about “even the dogs catch the crumbs”, whereon he relented?
I gather that you are a single lady: you owe nobody apolgies for that, and don’t let yourself be put in the position of needing to explain. In our Cursillo reunion group we had a single woman, among several married couples, who was just a part of the group; accepted for who she was, a Christian woman who enjoyed being a part of the group. God bless you Chris, and please don’t forgo the blessings which are available to you in God’s worshipping community. As the saying goes, there are no Lone Ranger Christians.
desert padre
Thank you desertpadre. You are my kind of priest! I hope Chris H. will take your good counsel. I “de-churched” for 15 years. When I look back all of the
excuses in the world will not make up for what I missed. Great joy awaits.