When Peter Nicholson’s mother suffered a series of strokes last winter, he did something women have done for generations: he quit his job and moved into her West Hollywood home to care for her full time.
Since then, he has lost 45 pounds and developed anemia, in part because of the stress, and he is running out of money. But the hardest adjustment, Mr. Nicholson said, has been the emotional toll.
“The single toughest moment was when she said to me, ”˜And now who are you?’ ” he said. “My whole world just dropped. That was the pinnacle of despair.”
I will be for ever grateful to my brother for giving up his own home and moving in with our parents in their latter years, it meant that I was in a position to exercise my ministry and raise my family. For my part I was able to spell my brother, but that was nothing like the day-to-day stress of caring for a physically ailing man and a woman moving steadily into dementia. The last thing in the world either he or I would have wanted would have been to institutionalize our parents in any way. The result was that my father died at home surrounded by his life, and that my mother only spent a few hours in the hospital before her death. There is a deep “thanks be to God” because of this.
My father recently passed away at age 89 after 5 years with Altzheimers. A sibling had threatened to leave him on my doorstep one day. Frantic ( we had no extra space ) , I called the VA ( he and I were/are patients ) , who connected me with a specialist who in turn connected me with a reputable board and care operator ( in Calif., that is a state-licensed residential environment with a maximum of six patients ), which meant it would be less than half the cost of a nursing home ( minimal attention ) and the quality of care much better – we could come by any time – day or night – and it was near our home. I took him to the VA doctors ( unbelievably excellent care ) for his checkups and he received VA prescriptions sent to his residence by UPS. The facility cost was covered by his S/S check. As he came nearer to death, the board and care facility, which had documentation to cover hospice care, continued to be his abode. I feel like I did the right thing in being very involved. The filipino operators at the facility were always on top of everything and we always felt very comfortable that he was being well cared for when we were not around.