Kate: The other bit that I found so unbelievably refreshing is that one of the I mean, go to philosophical stances is like, well, if I’m not just giving sort of contextual advice, I’m giving you self-help. And you and I both believe that self-help is unhelpful and that self-determination is delusional. And your account of why best life now is a complete myth is so beautifully evident in your advice column. So like when you look at the questions that come in, how does it help you see our culture’s dominant myths?….
Kate: Writing about the Prosperity Gospel was always so tricky because I learned so much about expectation and and hope from being around people who are constantly pressing into this idea of best life now. And their just kind of urgency to always make all parts of their life, you know, good, better, best. On the other side, there’s just there is such a there’s such a punitive side to it, though, when, you know, when life doesn’t turn out and then the the blame immediately becomes turns inward or I I love what you’re describing too that it makes us fundamentally uncharitable about the the flaws and the the hardships of others.
Kate: You really challenge us to wonder what if this were enough? So what did you mean by that?
Heather: At the time when I was writing my book, I was really struggling with how to face the limits essentially in my life. I think you reach an age where you say, oh, my God, I’m not going to be a ballerina on Mars after all. You can’t instead of like, can’t believe, even though you didn’t really think you’d ever get there. It’s sort of like, oh, my gosh, is it possible that the I’m not going there’s no possibility that I’m ever going to be a ballerina on Mars? Like this is, you know, an injustice beyond compare. We see our lives as having limitless potential because we’re told that our lives have limitless potential constantly. And there are ways that that’s a good message to have. I think there’s a shift needs to occur between the the material potential, like I can live in Spain, France and New York and have endless wealth and be perfect looking and have millions of close bestest friends. And the potential of I can feel good right here in this flawed place when I focus and by feel good, I don’t necessarily mean feel no bad things. Feel no emotions, feel no sadness, feel no anxiety. But I can, I can confront this day and take it for what it is and I can savor all of the things that this day offers me, the good and the bad and the sadness and the anxiety even. It’s weird to savor anxiety. Maybe that’s not completely possible.