It’s the end of spring, and that means engaged couples are putting the last touches on their summer wedding celebrations. Should the cake have three tiers or four? Do the chairs for guests need bows? And, finally, what will they say in their vows?
This wasn’t always a problem, of course. Until recently, everyone just used the words provided by his or her church or synagogue. In recent years, however, more and more couples have decided to write their own vows. This departure from tradition has become so common that some couples now choose to buy the words that will bind them together for a lifetime — online.
In the world-wide Web of wedding options, instantvows.com offers a competitive “Instant Vows Wedding Package” ($17, limited time offer). Ghostwriters Central promises vows “that capture your personal voice while encompassing the appropriate etiquette and emotion” — with “the added advantage” of being written by professionals. You send the site a brief description and some memories of you and your beloved and it will send you the vows (for $125).
Instavows–what a lot that says about where American culture is at the moment. Read it all –KSH.
Here in the UK RC priests did not get the right to act as registrars at weddings in church until 1989. Even then, under statute law we have to use the same form of vows as in the BCP: For richer for poorer, for better for worse, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. Thank goodness for that stipulation. Those words are both majestic and simple, conveying great power. When occasionally officiating at weddings in the US if I remember correctly our Catholic form was ‘I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad.’ A little banal, surely. But still better than ‘make-your-own’. I say this because weddings are the occasion when, in a rich and deep way, each spouse’s attention should be focussed on the other, whereas ‘Make your own’ vows become one more instance of centring the world around yourself, what you want. Finally (rant nearly over) to use the vows your parents and grandparents used is to feel part of a community, a tradition; to make it up as you go along is to be utterly individualistic.
I hope anyone who comments has read the whole article because it does end up in a good and accurate place.
“To be fair, though, many couples want to express the kind of commitment enshrined in the traditional vows — they just want to personalize it. This is exactly what my fiancée and I had in mind when we recently sat down with our pastor for premarital counseling. I told him that we planned to write our own vows. He dismissed my idea and directed us to the Book of Common Prayer (published in 1549) for the vows he thought we should exchange. The vows there are more formal, and hardly original: “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” My sensibilities were offended. “Don’t you know this is our wedding?”
Unfortunately, though, this is the example of current attitudes. “I just gotta be me” rather than being a part of a centuries-old institution that went a long way towards stabilizing pagan society.
Well, go ahead and “be yourself”…maybe couples can figure out a way of officiating their own ceremonies, too.
Not to mention, this will sound catty, but any wedding I ever went to where the couple wrote their own vows sounded trite, smarmy, soupy, corny, or some other version of nauseating.
Enjoy your idiocy–our wedding was ’79 BCP, and frankly, in retrospect I wish it was ’28 BCP and it’s now up to nearly 20 years and still going strong.
We wrote our own vows, alas, but the marriage,32 years and counting, is going just fine.
According to my sources, if the author used the 1549 (sic) BCP, the vows were: “…to haue and to holde from this day forwarde, for better, for woorse, for richer, for poorer, in sickenes and in health, to loue, cherishe, and to obey, till death us departe: according to Goddes holy ordeinaunce. And thereto I geue thee my trouth.” Somehow I think they used a more modern edition!
For some reason, this reminds me of the marriage ceremony in Madagascar II:Return to Africa where the officiant asks the couple(?), “Do you take her for better, for worse?” and the penguin pipes up, “For better, please.”
If they just “gotta be me” than let them do rent a clergy. We don’t have “obey” in the worship service, but the standard vows are fine, IMO.
I agree with the Jersey Girl. Most “unique” vows I’ve heard sounded ” trite, smarmy, soupy or corny” or so overly earnest (no, I’m not knocking being serious at a wedding) that I wanted to laugh.
But heck, I got married in a judge’s office and had a total of four guests because I felt it was not right to get married in a church I knew that I would not longer be attending. We’re still married almost 22 years later
Beam me up Scotty. There is no intelligent life on this planet. L
For reason what came to mind as far as people writing their own vows is the word game “Madlibs”. There’s probably some sort of good comic material in a skit on that. ;^)
I thought writing your own drippy vows was passé ’70s-ness.
It and the unity candle are still going strong.
Madlibs, LOL.
BTW the Byzantine Rite in Orthodoxy has no wedding vows.
[url=http://aconservativesiteforpeace.info]High-church libertarian curmudgeon[/url]
Marin Country Nuptials in the 80’s film “The Serial”:
“Me-ness. You-ness. Us-ness.”
Cynical wedding guest:
“Sickness.”
The worst I’ve heard was:
“…as long as you both shall [b]love[/b]?”
🙄
Hey, the emoticons are back!!!! 🙂