DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — A man has been charged with a cheesy snack attack on his dad, police said. The weapon? A bag of Cheetos. Patrick Hamman, 22, of Des Moines, was arrested on a charge of domestic assault after he threw a bag of Cheetos at his father, Michael Hamman, hitting him in the face Sunday night.
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My first though is that the whole family probably has problems……
I have not yet had a second thought….
This only makes sense, if the bag of cheetos had a brick inside it.
On the other hand, the very fact that the family grazes on cheetos, is pretty much an arguement that they are in favour of suicide.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine relatives: thou anointest my face with cheetos; my snack runneth over.
This gives “Snack Attack” a whole new meaning!
Could this be the answer to “Who moved my cheese?”
Now that’s a cheesey way to treat your father!
No matter how bad puns may be, they could be verse.
YBIC,
Phil Snyder
OK. I’ll go and do penance for those – pls
Often strange arrests like this are simply the culmination of a long series of bad to worse events and fall into “the next time he so much as lifts a hand to you…..” category.
I view this as great news because it implies two things:
The community there is peaceful and the police have time to respond to a cheddar flavored attack.
Nothing really catastrophic is happening so the media can concentrate on stories at this level
The charge is absolutely justified! After all, aren’t Cheetos “dangerously cheesy”?
My first inclination was to criticize the father for pressing charges. Yes, this was a criminal assault but pressing charges seemed petty and passive aggressive. BUT according to the Des Moines Register, police said that the son “admitted being high on methamphetamine.” Under the circumstances, pressing charges is one way of getting the son to deal with his drug problem.
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Nice lead sentence, again from the Des Moines Register:
“The assault weapons listed on the Des Moines police report was a bag of Cheetos.”
I don’t care if the son was high or what. This is a gross perversion of law. If he was high and they wanted him off the street then arrest him for drug violation for frickin crying out loud. Assault is a serious thing. To call hurling a bag of airated cheese snacks at someone an “assault” is a greivous assault on the meaning of words. What next? Assault by spitballs?!! Rude language???!!! The police should be handcuffed and frog marched to jail for such stupidity and violation of the power entrusted to them.
Frankly, I am more disposed to looking at these attacks on common sense and on the clear definitions of crimes, which are foundational to a just and stable Law, as a CAPITAL OFFENSE than I am to broadening assault charges to include paper cuts and greese stains.
Cheetos! My God, why didn’t he use Doritos?
The cops fingered the perp because he had all this neeto orange stuff on his hands.
The victim on the other hand was checked into Mercy Medical Center for observation after it was feared that the assault would leave lasting effects when he was later seen designing orange chasubles for his local church.
we need the ACLU issue a call to regulate and/or ban the sale of cheetos to minors! Background check for abuse of snack foods in the past! At least fingerprints will be easy to get, although in orange cheese instead of black ink.
Another member of the Keyboard Kommandos comes out of the basement and snaps!
ummmmm Cheese Snaps. Yum.