The institution of marriage needs a vigorous PR campaign. We are currently bombarded by reminders that one in three marriages ends in punitive divorce ”” just look at Anne Robinson, jettisoning poor old hubby Penrose after 27 years ”” while the tax system overwhelmingly favours single mothers. Our Government perversely refuses to support marriage in any meaningful way ”” unless you count yesterday’s cynical pledge by Alistair Darling to raise the inheritance tax threshold for married couples to £600,000. Yet the social and personal benefits of wedlock are long established. It sometimes seems as though the only people who dare advocate the advantages of spliced stability are the gay community in their successful petition for civil partnerships.
The trouble is that many social commentators promote marriage in terms unlikely to appeal to footloose young singles: duty, compromise, social cohesion, enhanced health and wellbeing, security for children. All good and true, but your average singleton interprets them as a domestic penitentiary. What nobody evangelises is the incredible liberation many people find within marriage. Most unwed people under 40 are a seething mass of insecurities. They may be free to go back-packing in Goa at a second’s notice, but they’re imprisoned by self-doubt and vulnerability.
However, the minute a person’s beloved plights eternal troth, solid foundations are laid. As my husband mused the other night: “Marriage is the true place of greater safety.” This very stability, paradoxically, provides a platform from which risky and exhilarating enterprises can be launched. I believe this is what John Bayley meant when he said that, over time, he and Iris Murdoch became “closer and closer apart”. It’s hard to describe the strange blend of intimacy and mystery that characterises long-term unions.
There is actually a lot being done with marriage, but not much of it actually gets to the press. Try: http://www.americanvalues.org and check out the 26 conclusions of why marriage matters from the social sciences. They include: Family, Economics, Physical Health and Longevity, Mental Health and Emotional Well Being, and Crime and Domestic Violence.
I absolutely agree with her husband’s remark that “Marriage is the true place of greater safety.” It is certainly true in our marriage.
A place of safety…..
I wish to add to/reinforce his list.
1. I, as a husband, can take financial risks because I know that my wife loves me enough to allow me to make mistakes.
2. What most men look for – I find at home.
3. I am free from middle-age insecurity. My wife, son, daughter-in-law, and a few grandchildren think (rightly or wrongly) that I am the top-of-the-heap of the heap of men that they know. What else do I need?
4. Restaurants are rare – I get whatever and whomever “thinks” is my favorite meal where ever I go. (They are seldom mistaken)
5. I go to Holy Communion with my own guilts but am free (realy free!) from the guilt of corrupting any of womenkind.
I’m sure there is more but that’s off the top of my head.
There needs to be more articles like that and more sermons as well.