At some point in life, you can’t live on your own anymore. We don’t like thinking about it, but after retirement age, about half of us eventually move into a nursing home, usually around age 80. It remains your most likely final address outside of a hospital.
To the extent that there is much public discussion about this phase of life, it’s about getting more control over our deaths (with living wills and the like). But we don’t much talk about getting more control over our lives in such places. It’s as if we’ve given up on the idea. And that’s a problem.
This week, I visited a woman who just moved into a nursing home. She is 89 years old with congestive heart failure, disabling arthritis, and after a series of falls, little choice but to leave her condominium. Usually, it’s the children who push for a change, but in this case, she was the one who did. “I fell twice in one week, and I told my daughter I don’t belong at home anymore,” she said.
She moved in a month ago. She picked the facility herself. It has excellent ratings, friendly staff, and her daughter lives nearby. She’s glad to be in a safe place ”” if there’s anything a decent nursing home is built for, it is safety. But she is struggling.
The trouble is ”” and it’s a possibility we’ve mostly ignored for the very old ”” she expects more from life than safety. “I know I can’t do what I used to,” she said, “but this feels like a hospital, not a home.” And that is in fact the near-universal reality.
The sad thing is that many long-term (vs. rehab) nursing home admissions can be avoided entirely. Either through home health or independent/assisted living, a senior can get badly needed medical oversight to help avoid catastrophic health events such as stroke or heart attack AND lessen the exacerbation of chronic diseases such as CHF (congestive heart failure) and diabetes. Furthermore, the number one cause of decline in functioning for elderly people is (any guesses??) loneliness. Independent/assisted living is a great way to obtain needed support while maintaining complete privacy in one’s private apartment. The problem is, neither home health or independent/assisted living comes cheaply and isn’t usually paid for (on a long-term basis) by medical insurance or federally funded services under Medicare and Medicaid. When this nation finally wakes up and realizes that proactive prevention costs so much less than reactive long-term skilled nursing care, perhaps more of the Medicaid funds that go towards thousands of nursing home residents every day can be funneled into independent/assisted living assistance – at about one-half to two-thirds the cost of nursing home fees. Save money and prevent long-term debilitation: a win-win if there ever was one.
Well, at almost 70, “nursing home” doesn’t sound very palatable..
Anyway, I’m not going to any that makes me leave my computer home. LOL
Also, when my dad was in a nursing home, I attempted to get their “activity director”, to allow using her email to send messages (he was in WY, me in SC) or greetings and stuff. But, it was no dice.
I wish every nursing home had email for the residents, whether they could send messages or not. I KNOW it would alleviate some of the solitude, and add to their day.
Just because they’re old (or course not mentally disabled) does NOT mean they’ve lost all their skills and or curiosity. I know a blessed woman, age 85 that does wonderful digital photography. Of course she sometimes forgets where she ‘filed” them in the computer, but there’s help for that too.
Its a crying shame that will all this ability to be “connected”, to the world, the church, and family, no one is using it..
Just a thought,
Gloria
My dad was 84 years old and was helping my brother move a large piece of machinery. Unfortunately, the machine tipped over on my father and it took 4 people to get some of the weight off my father and drag him out from under the machine. He was taken immediately to the hospital.
Some of the family, and others, expressed great bitterness and anger toward my brother for allowing his father to work in such a dangerous situation at his age. My brother was taking this all very hard and so I told him the following; first, Dad WANTED to help and was feeling useful. Two, if he was killed, how many years would we be taking from him? And, third, it was this usefulness and activity that kept him young and he really wanted to die with his boots on.
Well, my father is 94 years old now, he no longer helps move machinery, but he lives with my brother and I so much enjoy the times that my grand-children get to see great-grandpa and the awe that the children exibit. Yes, he survived the accident with only bruises and no broken bones, and he is on no nursing home though he has many health and mental problems. He was in a nursing home a few years ago recovering from a heart attack and both he an the staff at the facility breathed a huge sigh of relief to see him go. My father was born before WWI and he puts up with no guff.
I hope this post is relevant to the subject.
DonGander
This one area that the churches have totally abandoned to market forces or the government. Last year as I was looking for a place for my mother, there were only three nursing homes that were church sponsored, barely. Only the rich in those churches need apply. My mother ended up in a small private for-profit center that is fine for now but what she lacks is the warmth of Christian community. What happened to our tradition to care for the aged, the orphan, and the sick?
One answer to #4 would seem to be the greatly increased regulatory burden. I’m not necessarily suggesting that this is a bad thing, merely that, at least historically, it was the reason cited in the 1960s and 1970s, when denominations began to transfer hospitals and homes to secular agencies (whether nonprofit or for-profit).
It was a sign of the times that Mercy Hospital (Pittsburgh’s historic Catholic facility) was recently acquired by the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center (although at least Mercy was able to preserve the Church’s constraints on certain procedures). If we decide to go back into this field then we have to acknowledge what this will cost and work for significant sacrificial giving. Not impossible, but given the present state of both the Protestant mainline and the Catholic Church (at least in the US) not terribly likely.
Jeremy: I understand the market and government forces, but is our faith valid only when circumstances are favorable? This is another area where we have been co-opted by the culture and its power centers.
When wide spread euthanasia for the elderly comes to be a reality, where will stand then? By not providing options for a dignified old age we will be denying our faith and contribute to the despair of many old people.
Lilian,
I can assure you that I don’t see the present state of affairs as desirable, merely as reflective of historic trends. Anything can be accomplished if the will is there (and the Holy Spirit at work), hospitals and homes tend to be the products of denominations on the ascendant. And, interestingly, there seems to be less interest in facilities of this sort among successful bodies such as Protestant Evangelicals and Pentecostals. Investing in a hospital/home is a major commitment, of talent and time as well as treasure. I would welcome a return to Christian institutionalism; I just question whether it will happen.
Gloria #2 – Good point about computers. Last year I did a double internship at a retirement facility, in the assisted living sector. One gentleman, at age 91, uses WEB TV to keep in contact with family, among other things. He is an exceptional gentleman, I must admit, but the internet is one of the tools he uses to keep busy. If the rooms have phone outlets, there no reason not to have internet connections.
Shalom,
Tikvah