The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.
(For those over 30 years old: hooking up is a casual sexual encounter with no expectation of future emotional commitment. Think of it as a one-night stand with someone you know.)
According to a report released this spring by Child Trends, a Washington research group, there are now more high school seniors saying that they never date than seniors who say that they date frequently. Apparently, it’s all about the hookup.
When I first heard about hooking up years ago, I figured that it was a fad that would soon fizzle. I was wrong. It seems to be becoming the norm.
The NY Times is not in the Vanguard on this one – I am 39 and the “hook up” was not considered a new thing at my college in 1988. Though I am not sure how one night stands are practical in high school – at least in high school there are the various obligatory dances at which one is expected to have a date ie homecomming, prom and one around Valentines day. At college one generally meets the opposite sex either in a coed dorm, class, a bar, or at a fraternity party ( I guess non greeks had their own parties but less orgainized) – there is considerable downside to asking a classmate or the girl two doors down on a date – if she says no there is considerable awkwardness. After college it gets harder – coworkers (real danger of rejection there) or the bar scene – I got lucky and joined a Methodist adult singles Sunday School class – I was the social chairman and later the membership chair – I got my now wife’s phone number as part of my official duties when she visited the class. Many of my closest friends are from that class and many ended up marrying people from the class or friends of people they met in that class. The ACNA would do well to consider a real investment in singles adult Sunday School classes – because of the increased mobility in modern life there are a lot of very lonely 20 somethings out there – separated by distance from their home church and family. It can be a great tool for evangleism.
And see the entry below on the ehtics of the young, and their view of their own ethical decay. Put these two together and what hve you got? Not ticketty bobbity boo. Larry
here is a great comment I found on another blog regarding this piece:
“As a creature of the 70’s, I grew up being fed a pretty steady diet of sex, drugs and rock and roll.
And, except for the drugs part, I sort of bought into it.
Now, I’m not so sure.
I would observe that whenever a culture really gets in touch with their sexuality, they stop having children, and their demographics go catty-wampus.
The strong sex drive of youth is there for a purpose. Channeled properly, it ensures our very survival. Letting that pressure leak out into meaningless hookups can be hugely appealing to the individual, but ultimately it’s death to our society.
It seems to me that as a society matures and becomes more complex, more educated, and more sophisticated, the cost/benefit equation for children gets bad enough that you inevitably see a decrease in child-bearing in sufficient numbers as to make your society unsustainable.
I can’t help wondering if all civilizations contain the seeds of their own destruction.
As I look across the pond at the dying of Europe, I cannot help wondering if my parents were right all along.”
#1 – I’m about your age and experienced the lonely 20s that you describe. It was (probably still is) difficult to meet members of the opposite sex once you get out of college – the social network just is not there. Fortunately a co worker of mine turned me on to a church and I was rescued from the morass (met my now wife through this church).
[i] Hooking up is a casual sexual encounter [/i]
Remarkably graphic name: almost cynically mechanical.
As Kendall+ would say…Uggh.
I’m mid 20’s. And while I don’t consider myself lonely (yet) I will definitely agree that it is difficult to meet people since graduating college. The hook up culture is certainly pervasive – as my friend put it, “Casual sex – the new dating”.
Some years ago,, a psychology counselor a my old college said of this system of “dating:” This is sort of a genital handshake.
the price for this gets higher and higher. All this cheap easy sex teaches a deep and lasting lesson, that “getting laid” and “making love to your wife” are the same thing. Sex is sex, as 1=1. This is manifestly false, for the former is pleasurable homonal relief, and the latter is an entrance into a state of knowledge, knowledge quite beyond words. Unfortunately, the former cannot understand the latter, and if the training is long enough, will NEVER understand it.
In short, there is a serious loss of knowledge involved, yet how can one who knows better explain what is lost to those who do not know that it exists? To bring the hooking up mentality to mature love is like speaking baby talk to the wise.
And we should note again that the promiscuity that hooking up bespeaks is precisely that promiscuity that characterizes homosexual culture. It is no wonder, at last, that these two cultures are now cheek by jowl, for they share crucial social practices. Larry
Larry [#8]: Quite a phrase from the psychology counselor.
Part of this problem can be placed upon poor fathering. The guys in my fraternity who excelled at the hook up were in the main creepy – and they were not even the best looking (alas I am short and was not even close to being a serious contender – humor and charming personality are not first tier assets in the hook up culture). I never understood how the girls did not see it. If they were looking for ahook up there were better choices.
I am know the proud father of a five month old girl – the batpism is next week – sound advice assuming you do not want your college age daughter to end up alone – would be 1) kiss the boy goodnight 2) give him your phone number and say that you would welcome a call; and 3) send him off. If the call doesnt come – you did not lose much and saved yourself a lot of emotional distress. If he was genuinely interested and not a complete moron and/or coward – he will call. Girls need to be made aware that they have much more control of the situation than I believe thay think they do.