Scarleteen offers a “sex readiness checklist” for young girls to help them gauge whether they should plunge into the fun. Among the items: “I see a doctor regularly,” and “I have a birth control budget of $50 per month.” The emotional readiness a girl should demonstrate is “I can separate love from sex.” Shalit notes, “Those who can separate love from sex are mature, like jaded adults. They are ready to embark on a lifetime of meaningless encounters.”
In fact, Shalit argues, all of this advice and deprogramming aimed at women is necessary because women do not by nature thrive on casual, meaningless sexual encounters. They crave emotional intimacy and fidelity ”” desires the women’s magazines are at pains to quash in the name of maturity. Psychiatrist Dr. Paul McHugh describes the vast numbers of young women who consult him asking for Prozac because they have sex with lots of different men, all of whom say they’re “not ready” for marriage. “‘But there’s nothing the matter with you,’ I tell them; ‘what’s the matter with the world? Let me help you find a way of not hopping into bed with all these guys right off the bat . . .'”
The good news is that a small but significant backlash is underway.
I will say that being able to “separate love from sex,” in the sense of “I can tell the difference between being in love with someone, and being sexually attracted to someone,” is a very useful life skill — whatever one chooses to do with that information.
Thanks for posting this! It is hopeful in a small way. I have a real problem with parents who buy their preteen girls Bratz dolls (the movie is coming out this summer, Aaack) and thong underwear. Abercrombie & Fitch the biggest perpetrator of the later. I would not permit my daughter to wear t-shirts with their name emblazoned on it. My daughter also knows that Cosmo for teens, etc is not welcome in the house. Ooooh, I am so old fashioned!
Go Wendy! I have boys, and it’s going to be a long slog through teenagedhood. There are pitfalls to sex without marriage for them too.
Over the weekend I saw a promo for a new “ABC Family Channel” original series “GREEKS” or something like that. From the previews for the show, it apparently follows a group of college freshman as they pledge fraternities/sororities, get wasted, have casual sex etc… I repeat, this is an “ABC Family Channel original series” that the network is apparently very proud of. The channel is now blocked in my home. I encourage everyone to do the same. It’s probably worth while to send a quick note to ABC Family Channel to let them know you’re doing the same…
I should have written ABC “Family” Channel…