Many Americans insist that everyone have a positive attitude, even when the going gets rough. From the self-help bookshelves to the Complaint-Free World Movement, the power of positive thinking is touted now more than ever as the way to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise.
The problem is that this demand for good cheer brings with it a one-two punch for those of us who cannot cope in that way: First you feel bad about whatever’s getting you down, then you feel guilty or defective if you can’t smile and look on the bright side. And I’m not even sure there always is a bright side to look on.
I believe that there is no one right way to cope with all of the pain of living. As an academic psychologist, I know that people have different temperaments, and if we are prevented from coping in our own way, be it “positive” or “negative,” we function less well.
There are people who are clinically depressed, and, from my experience, no amount of ‘positive thinking’ seems to cheer them up. In fact, stressing the ‘cheerful’ often seems to cut off communication and aggravate their condition.
Then there are people who are just ‘gloomy.’ They always seem to have a way in which they can ‘come up’ with a negative prognosis for just about any situation. These people spread their ‘gloom’ all over the place and often cause others to be less cheerful.
The secret of dealing with this seems to be one of identifying who might be showing signs og clinical depression and who might just be ‘gloomy.’
The answer for dealing with the ‘gloomy’ is to refuse to accept their gloominess and stress a positive and cheerful attitude toward the brighter side of events and toward life in general. To cite (inaccurately) a Dale Carnegie adage, “To be enthusiastic, you have to act enthusiastic.”
My mother, who will be 99 on 29 November, often referred to Dr. Norman Vincent Peale’s book, “The Power of Positive Thinking.” Her readiness to try to always look at the cup as ‘half full’ rather than ‘half empty’ has served her well. Part of her success at this is due to a conscious theological/philosphical outlook and in part to her Scottish-Canadian heritage.
Her favorite adage is “Trust in the Lord.”
RE: “That is when I began to realize that I had been tyrannized by the idea that everyone must [b]always have a positive attitude.”[/b]
Therein lies the strawman in this article. Even the sunniest amongst us don’t always have a positive attitude. But a persistently negative outlook should be cause for looking at where that comes from, be it life problems or a personality characteristic.
As someone with a natural dour & pessimistic nature, it cheers me greatly to read this.
[i] Part of her success at this is due to a conscious theological/philosphical outlook and in part to her Scottish-Canadian heritage. [/i]
Funny, I thought Scots were supposed to be dour adn pessimistic?
🙂
Wilfred,
Are you a Scotsman, too?
Aye, Jimmy, but by awncestry only.