FAW: … even though Benjamin has Down syndrome.
BETH ALLARD: Just like any other child, you give him an opportunity, and work with them, and they can do whatever they aspire to do.
FAW (To Ms. Allard): Even if they’re different?
Ms. ALLARD: Yeah.
FAW: Now Beth Allard marvels at her son. But when she remembers what her pediatrician told her when she was pregnant at 36, she can only shudder.
Ms. ALLARD: She said, “I just want to let you know what your life’s going to be like. He’s going to make your life hell. He won’t be able to read or write or do anything. He may not be able to speak.” The reason I considered terminating the pregnancy was, well, my doctor’s telling me this. And I don’t know much about it, so maybe she’s right and I really need to do this.
FAW: Largely because of her Catholic faith, Beth Allard decided to continue her pregnancy.
ELLEN WIXTED (Talking to Husband): My concern is that if I do that …
FAW: Seven years ago, faced with the prospect of giving birth to a child with Down syndrome and heart defects that often afflict those infants, Ellen Wixted, 35, chose to abort her baby.
Ms. WIXTED: I just couldn’t imagine having all of the normal stresses of being a parent and on top of that, you know, raising a child with really, you know, potentially very severe physical disabilities as well as an unknown degree of mental retardation. All I could envision was a spiral of, sort of not being able to work, not being able to work in the studio, not being able to, you know, have a normal life. What that led to logically was ending the pregnancy, which I felt was morally wrong.
FAW: Now, with two children born later, Ellen Wixted says that decision to abort haunts her as much today as it tormented her then.
20+ years ago I ran group homes for folks with mental retardation. of of which consisted of mostly middle-aged Down Syndrome men and women. The only non-down’s person there was a man with behavioral problems we moved there to settle him down, and it worked. It’s foolish to romanticize Down’s folks, but they do tend to be cheerful, calm people with a positive influence on those around them- I used to go over there and visit with them for stress relief and simple pleasure.
My friend Stephen recently died at age thirty six. He was a Downs syndrome survivor who taught me much about life. I learned that God is but marginally impressed by intelligence but honors a pure, unadulterated faith more than I can understand.
I was reluctant to attend Stephen’s funeral. I thought that only a few would show up and that perhaps it should be a small, private, family affair. But I went to the funeral and there were over 350 people there, all who knew Stephen as I did. I didn’t know, however, of Stephen’s vast influence; there were people who knew him from church, work, neighbors, family, bowling partners, clinic staff, and far more. God was there and was honored as Stephen had so simply honored God throughout his life.
May I somehow attain his standard. But I strongly doubt anything close to 350 people will show up for my funeral.
DonGander
I also think it is easy to over-romanticise the issues with Down’s syndrome but it is also easy to overemphasize the negative as the doctor did here.
I have a friend with a 13 year old Downs syndrome girl. The family has face more stress , and on occasions her older brother has suffered because of the need to support the more needy child. But they and she are a happy family – a supportive family – and not one of them have ever expressed a wish that she did not exist.
However she is also a high functioning downs syndrome person – she still attends mainstream school, though is some years behind her cohort. She can look after herself reasonably well in terms of personal care needs etc. Not all Downs syndrome children are able to function at this level.
I am a Special Education teacher, and have worked with many, many children and adults with Down Syndrome over the years. As with ANY other group of children, some function at a higher level than others. Some can take good care of themselves while others can’t. Some are the best behaved children in class and some are the worst. Some learn to read, write, and do math while others don’t. As I said, this is just like ANY other grouping of children. One thing that is true of almost every person I’ve ever known with Down Syndrome, they are the most open, honest, loving, and forgiving group of folks you will find. Most are a delight to be around, although can be frustrating at times….sounds pretty much like my own children!!! I can’t imagine “doing away with” someone because they have Down Syndrome. Sad, sad, sad!