One further aspect of our current spiritual collapse is our inability to relate to one another with a minimum of courtesy or even awareness. It has become common now not to respond to any sort of request if the answer is no. Increasingly, if someone applies for a job and fails to get it, they are not notified to that effect; they never hear anything at all. People are also fired indirectly, with companies refusing to let them know why. We have stopped holding doors for one another; don’t bother to answer messages; disappear from each other’s lives without explanation or regret; betray one another and then refuse to discuss it. Rudeness is now acceptable, because I am the only one who inhabits my solipsistic world. (The flip side of this phenomenon is the replacement of civility by corporate politeness: “Have a nice day,” “Thank you for choosing AT&T,” etc.) At root there is a fear of any kind of involvement at all, for real friendships require risk and vulnerability, and more and more, Americans feel that they lack the psychological strength for that. Bottled rage and resentment are the norm, as millions live in isolation, without any form of community and are content to have soap-opera characters for “friends.” In this regard, I found it intersting that by 1996, academic conferences began to be held on “the erosion of civility”””something that was unheard of even five years before that. And the extreme dark end of the spectrum here is represented by the high school massacre in Littleton, Colorado, on 20 April, 1999 (Hitler’s bithday, symbolically enough), when two badly alienated teenagers in black trenchcoats set about murdering their fellow students.
–Morris Berman, The Twilight of American Culture (New York: Norton & Company, 2000), pp.57-58
Welcome to the fallout of the collapsing family …
Brian
Some elements of the problem:
— People who weren’t taught, or didn’t internalize, norms of courteousy and consideration [cf. #1].
— The ubiquitous, multi-faceted “I don’t care about you” strain in popular culture, evident in Gangsta Chic, supermodels with stony faces, and such expressions as “I could care less” and “I laughed in his face.” Nietzsche might, in some respects, be pleased.
— The broader culture of narcissism.
Dear friends,
One can surely recognize that the author is indeed correct. One notes with dismay, particularly, the lack of civility in modern forms of communication, for example email and “blogs.” When was the last time any of us received an email addressed “Dear _________” or closing with “Sincerely yours?” All too often, email is phrased in the imperative, even when it comes from a colleague or employee.
The blogs may be even worse, as one can find oneself labeled a “Christo-fascist” or some such by persons one has never met, apparently for having had the audacity to suggest to the blog audience that one’s bishop should believe the Nicene Creed and require its recitation at the Eucharist when performed in his diocese. It is, however, amusing when the diocesan official writing the diatribe in response to one’s suggestion inadvertently forgets that he has posted under pseudonym, and signs his name after 3 or 4 more paragraphs praising the bishop.
One does hope and pray that we can find it within ourselves to elevate the level of discourse, particularly in those circumstances where the discussion centers on the work of our Lord, and the life of His Church. Having reflected on this, one is sure that his or her own behavior in this regard needs improvement, and commits to amending said behavior, at least for the next several hours, or until someone at 815 opens their mouth.
May God bless one and all.
Sincerely yours,
TJ
[blockquote]— People who weren’t taught, or didn’t internalize, norms of courteousy and consideration [cf. #1].
— The ubiquitous, multi-faceted “I don’t care about you†strain in popular culture, evident in Gangsta Chic, supermodels with stony faces, and such expressions as “I could care less†and “I laughed in his face.†Nietzsche might, in some respects, be pleased.
— The broader culture of narcissism. [/blockquote]
Oh, so very, very true. I couldn’t agree more, I. Aside from the obvious case of hip-hop culture, I particularly notice the coldness of fashion today, the distance and aloofness. It’s so pervasive it can only be deliberate.
Manners are society’s lubricant, allowing us to deal with each other in ways that buttress faith in each other. At some point we began to laugh at and reject manners as old-fashioned, and now we are paying the price. We deal with each other through lawyers and legislation rather than common social norms.
“Manners are society’s lubricant” —Jeffersonian [#4]
Yes, indeed. And even small acts of courtesy and kindness can brighten everyday life. They show respect. They affirm our common humanity. In their small way, they help fulfill the Law of Love.
By the same token, the discourtesy of Soviet shop clerks exemplified and reinforced the drabness, meanness, and impersonality of everyday life. Similarly, in the New York City of the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s, a decline in concern about strangers (e.g., “I don’t want get involved”) reflected and reinforced insecurity and distrust.
As just an anecdote to the “getting involved” meme, there may be good reason for this. Three years ago, a good friend of ours was driving along a main thoroughfare of our town, a 4-lane undivided road. A van to her left began veering right, intruding into her lane to the point that it nearly struck her car. She honked. The van then swerved left, into oncoming traffic, hitting a minivan head-on. The crash killed a mother and severely disabled one daughter, injuring another.
Our friend didn’t even realize there was an accident until she saw a report later that night, on TV. She immediately called police and provided a full account of what she knew, fingering the culpable party. Her thanks for doing her civic duty? She was sued, dragged through the courts for two years and ultimately had to pay $1.5 million to the husband/father of the victims. Thankfully, her insurance company paid, but now she can’t find insurance for her family’s car for anything less than astronomical rates, while the husband of the dead mother has a new wife (who has a lovely diamond on her finger) and a big house in a “climber” part of town.
A number of lessons are available here, I think.
This quote is so frighteningly true. When people ask me my impressions of Britain now that we have moved back here they usually expect comment about a reduced standard of living or the like. Instead, at the top of my list is the almost total collapse of manners, which I believe partly reflects the radical secularization of the culture here.