Marriage is such a huge, life-altering decision, it’s only natural that it be a choice two people make together, after much discussion and personal soul-searching. And if the decision is made mutually, is there really any need for a proposal to be made ”” a question to be asked ”” for which both parties already know the answer? For a lot of people, the answer is “no.” They make the decision, perhaps they go ring-shopping together (that way, the woman’s sure to get something she likes), they make the announcement to their friends and family, and then they change their relationship status on Facebook. Done and done.
For the rest of us, an official proposal ”” even if we’ve already decided with our partners to get hitched ”” is the act that seals the deal. For the record, I fall into this camp. My now-husband and I first started seriously talking marriage a little over a year ago. We’d been together 2 1/2 years, had lived together almost a year, felt committed to each other, and knew we wanted to start a family in the not-so-distant future. At some point, I think I made some comment about getting married in the summer when my parents, who live in Europe, would be in the States. My boyfriend nodded and said that that sounded fine and I said, “This coming summer,” making sure to drive home the point. “But I want a proposal!” I told him, adding: “And I want it to be romantic. You don’t get off the hook that easily.” He laughed and said he’d do what he could.
Somehow a proposal (no matter how ‘romantic’) loses its purpose if the couple has been living together for a year.
I agree Margaret. And people thought it was odd that when, after we got engaged, I moved out of my apartment to save money I moved into my future in-laws’ basement rather than just moving in with my fiance. Odd enough that to some of her friends my wife felt (feels) compelled to say it was for the benefit of her grandparents. Amazing the change in just a few decades. In 1960 did anyone feel they had to make excuses for NOT shacking up?
I never did a formal “proposal” with my beloved. I had received orders to report to Ft. Gordon, GA (quite far away) and could not imagine life without my sweetheart. We just started talking about immediate wedding plans. It all seemed so natural and right that there wasn’t even a question that we would not marry. BTW, we were not living together. We met and were married within 6 months. After two weeks with her, I just knew she was the one. She took a little longer (she always has been the smarter one) but somehow, she loved me despite myself. We have been married nearly 18 years now and we are expecting our third child at the end of December…a boy! We have a girl and a boy already.
My wife still loves me. I am a happy man. God has blessed us and I am so very grateful. She is my well beloved and I hope that when the end of my days has come, I will still be madly in love with her. I still like just holding hands with her or even just being in the same room. Me and her are like peas and carrots. (Don’t lecture me on grammar.)
It’s true love, and that doesn’t just happen every day.