Sheryl and Paul Giesbrect are preparing to celebrate their 26th wedding anniversary. The sweethearts cherish their life together, which began when they met while attending a Christian university.
It’s where they found religion and each other. Today, Paul is a minister in California and Sheryl broadcasts spiritual messages. Both counsel troubled couples, but now they find themselves in need of counseling. Their marriage holds a secret, one the 50-year-old parents of two say rattled their union.
For 10 years, Paul kept the fact that he was addicted to Internet pornography a secret from Sheryl.
“The temptation will be with me until the day I die,” Paul said.
Sheryl was shocked by the revelation. “I said something like, ‘Well, that’s just disgusting.'”
To help themselves and their marriage, the Giesbrects met with psychoanalyst Bethany Marshall. They allowed ABC’s “Good Morning America” to watch them for their first time on the opposite side of the couch.
The sessions yielded surprises from the start, like how often Sheryl dwells on her husband’s obsession.
She said she spent two hours a day thinking about it.
“I thought you were going to say five minutes a week,” her husband said.
When Marshall questioned Sheryl on what she thought about specifically, she admitted wondering about how often her husband was tempted.
“She questions whether their lovemaking will be enough,” said Marshall.
“I feel angry about it. I can’t say, ‘Well, this is your problem. Do something about it,'” Sheryl said.
Marshall said Sheryl couldn’t hold other people responsible to fix her marriage problems, “because you’re not healing him. You’re feeding into the addiction.”
Is it just me, or does having this marraige counseling session broadcast on “Good Morning America” seem pornographic? What kind of people do something like this?
Andy Warhol was right. Everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame. The kind of people who do this are the kind that usually really want help and can’t afford the therapy bills……or in the case of tv shows like Jerry Springer et al., they are fake. I doubt GMA would sink to putting people on tv who are willing to fake a problem just to make their segment work……but I’ve been fooled before.
It seems to me that we are a nation of voyeurs.
Most every line poses a question as to motive, repentance, etc..
No, thanks, I didn’t read it all. I am no voyeur.
DonGander
This is a serious problem among the “churched”. I have a friend who works with Christian men who have had this problem identified (usually their when they are caught and the marriage gets into crisis). It is happening in the homes of some who follow this blog.
My accountability partner – another man – and I meet regularly to review where we’re tempted, and technological temptations are always among them (Internet, TV, movies). We’re meeting tomorrow morning, matter of fact. If I didn’t have him, it would be all too easy to sink into isolation and do something I’d regret…but would keep a secret. I’m too much a sinner to go it alone.
*******
http://surfcountry.blogspot.com
This issue is bigger than most people realize. Not only is addiction to porn destructive to a marriage, it can land one in jail and on the sex offender registry. I`m dead serious, folks. One wrong click and you could find yourself viewing pictures of girls who could be anywhere from ag 16 to 19. In Florida, that`s enough to have you charged with possession of child pornography. AND even if you are not convicted and you accept a plea agreement that gives you `adjudication withheld`, no jail time, probation only and a reduction of charges from child porn to merely possession of computer pornography, you will STILL be required to register as a sex offender registry. And the laws change every year so that now, it is impossible to even petition to be removed from the registry for 20 YEARS!! Even if you stay offense free and never even get a parking ticket. Just so you know I`m not just blowin` smoke….my husband found himself in this same predicament in 1998 all due to an addiction to internet porn. And, yes, he is a registered sex offender. Try finding a job and housing that doesn`t violate residency restriction laws as a registered sex offender…again, nearly impossible.
To those of you reading this who may be struggling with the addiction yourself, heed this warning. You ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want to find yourself in my husband`s situation. The next time you feel that urge to view internet porn, ask yourself this: is this click of the mouse worth losing my job, home and possibly my family? To coin a phrase: I`m as serious as a heart attack, folks. This is no laughing matter. I cannot emphasize enough how devastating this can be.
Oh goodness, I think you had mentioned this in a comment a couple of months ago, I responded to another commenter in your defense not knowing your exact situation but giving you the benefit of the doubt. Now I’m doubly glad I did. It’s a shame, especially in your case, that those registries only list that someone is considered a sexual offender, not what their “crime” was. Like many parts of the justice system currently in place, it’s a good theory but poorly executed. I will definitely keep you in my prayers tonight.
In some areas, the local Catholic diocese may have a ministry called something like St. Augustine’s Mens Purity Group. I’m not a member, but their website looks a lot like a 12 Step group. The group for the diocese of Fort Worth is at:
http://sampg.com/
I can’t imagine non-Catholics wouldn’t be welcome, as long as they agree with the purpose of the group and (of course), don’t object to Catholic elements of the group process. At the least, the group could perhaps steer someone to a group that could help them.
Courageous Grace,
Thank you for your kind words and prayers. But you must know that this has actually been a good thing….Romans 8:28 and all that! And we are actually doing really well these days. Great supportive church family, marriage stronger than ever, a home that doesn`t break any residency restriction laws (so far) and he is working for himself out of our home. All-in-all not bad. I just want people to realize (1) every action you take has consequences, some of them unbelievably destructive and (2) not all registered sex offenders are pedophilic monsters who are out to get your children. Again, thank you; it`s nice to hear a sane, gracious and compassionate voice out there.