In actual fact, a funeral service is not for the deceased. It is primarily for the family and friends; and while a Christian minister may be called upon to conduct the service, he must not be guilty of suggesting that the unredeemed will inherit eternal life. To do so is to be disingenuous at best and dishonest at worst.
If a pastor is true to the Word of God, he cannot change or minimize the Bible’s warning that the consequence of unbelief is condemnation (John 3:18).
To suggest or hint that someone who has never been saved is somehow headed for heaven does nothing but confuse the mourners and give the false impression that one can go to heaven without trusting in Christ who is the only way to God (John 14:6).
The carefully-crafted remarks of a Christian minister can convey the Gospel message of hope and certainty to those who need it most.
[blockquote] “one of the most difficult things I ever had to do as a pastor was conduct funeral services for those who had never professed faith in Christ or who never lived out their once-professed faith”[/blockquote]
I wonder if readers could send in a few things “not to say” in these circumstances.
I always find that John 14 is a fantastic opportunity to point to Jesus as the one who will show us “the Way” through these next few days and weeks in our grief. I then finish with inviting people in the silence to ask Jesus to be the Way for them.
I agree utterly with the criticism of Christian ministers who preach Universalism at a funeral. The worst funeral I went to was for a friend’s mother-in-law, where the priest said “Betty has lived a good life and will be welcomed into heaven by God because of that”, or words to that effect. If it hadn’t been a funeral I would have shouted out “heresy”.
Much as I hate to admit it, this is all to common of a practice, even in supposedly conservative churches. In these churches, all too often people get “preached into heaven” no matter what. But it’s still possible in most cases to present the Gospel whether the deceased was a good object lesson for that or not.
Easy to sit in judgment from afar on this blog. What do you say to parents of a child who committed suicide … that their grief is not all, their child will never inherit the kingdom of heaven? I don’t think there is need for that. I agree with #2 … you have to preach Jesus as the way for survivors and let the rest of it go. Besides, we don’t know what happens after death, do we! We don’t know if Jesus keeps on saving us after we die, if we didn’t live our lives in Him on earth.
I thought the point of the article was well taken but I really didn’t care for the part where he “named names” (Judy Garland and Deborah Jeane Palfrey).
Harris is right, of course, that we shouldn’t “hint that someone who has never been saved is somehow headed for heaven” but surely the sword cuts both ways — why is it right for him to imply that Garland and Palfrey are in hell?
I have been in similar situations as a parish priest, but never felt so bereft of what to say that I fell into universalism. His point is well made, though underlying it is the Baptists’ excessive stringency in attempting to discern who has been “saved”.
There is no call for the priest, or anyone else for that matter, to assume that someone who has committed suicide is on the fast track to everlasting condemnation. The Canadian Prayer Book, which I use, says that its Order for the Burial of the Dead is not to be used for any that die “by their own wilful act while in a sound state of mind.” Thus I was taught, and would argue strongly, that those who do so are not in a sound state of mind. Otherwise they would be able to reach out for help. So I would use the ordinary service, and take the opportunity to speak words of peace to God’s people.
I have never heard that the funeral isn’t for the deceased. The Orthodox service makes it pretty plain that we are praying *for them*.
If it’s just entertainment & comfort, then by all means hire someone who can do balloon animals or something. There are in fact times when it makes little sense to do a “full” service that assumes a life in the Church, but I recall hearing a couple of clergy say that they can bury anyone — the service might be a little shorter, though. If the person was not a believer, they’re likely to have people attend who will be most grateful for a short event, too. If you live in the Northwest US you’ll have folks who’ve never seen the inside of a church in their lives. They want to hit the road as soon as possible anyway.
I was told once and still consider that “..you cannot pray a person out of hell or into Heaven..” I firmly believe upon my heartfelt acceptance of Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord that I am saved. Not that I wont have to answer for my actions in the day of Judgement. Two things to consider:
1) Jesus said; “..I am the way the truth and the life..”
2) But Jesus also said to His disciples; “…I have other sheep that I must go to and preach the way of Life.”
I am glad for my salvation and I pray for those whom may not know Jesus that the time will come that they will have the chance to accept Him as their Lord and Savior. When the door of this life is closed on those I know in this life: the door is closed and there is nothing I can do to change any thing beyond that door. Beyond that I must leave everything to Jesus!!
#8, I’m not so sure we can’t pray a person out of hell into heaven. I think there is some scripture that others are saved from our prayers. I think that is one of the reasons we pray for others our intercessory prayers.
Agreed, Billy and Harvey.
If, as we ought, we reject Universalism, is not what we are confronting here precisely the difference between — to use a shorthand — Arminianism and Calvinism? At least in the case of “mature” persons.
There is at least enough partial salvation by works in the Arminian approach — or at least as it pertains to the lack of an [i]active[/i] renunciation by words or deeds — to make a case for the salvation of young children. This is one area in which the differing ‘rewards’ in heaven may pertain.
Strict Calvinism is a lot trickier, and particularly as expressed in the double predestination profferred by some interpretation of Romans 9.
That said, were I preaching the funeral of a suicide — at any age — I would hang the entire message on John 10:28. Jesus has given them eternal life and no-one can snatch them out of His hands. Satan may well have snatched the suicide victim out of [i]our[/i] hands, but not those of Jesus the Christ.
Much more difficult, however, would be the individual who has repeatedly rejected Christ. Arminian or Calvinist … at that point it matters not. Really all that’s left is to preach the Gospel and offer God’s comfort (and salvation) to those left behind.
I would take issue with the fact that the funeral was not for the deceased at all. I think when done correctly, the funeral is a both/and. It is both for the deceased and for the mourners in the context of the worship of God alone. A funeral is not to worship the deceased, nor is it solely about handholding the mourners.
It is interesting that sermons (or eulogies) are somewhat of a modern concept in Anglican liturgy. Originally it was more about having a liturgical rite that tooting the horn of the deceased.
I usually, especially if I am having to do a funeral for a person who was (at best) nominally a Christian or someone whom I have never met before and so cannot speak to the condition of their souls, I tend to take a quasi-Calvinist cop-out in the sermon. Something along the lines of that the person gone into the arms of the Almighty, God will deal with them as He will. We pray for the deceased and give him or her a proper Christian burial, but God is the one who is the judge, the one whom we are worshipping in this liturgy.
#11, thanks, so much. I really like that … and it is so true, since nothing can separate us from the love of Jesus Christ.
Archer [#12] writes:
Archer, don’t sell yourself short. What you call a “quasi-Calvinist cop-out” is dead on. [Sorry, couldn’t help myself.] We simply don’t know what happens after we die, but if we trust in God we can cautiously hope for the best, even for the “unsaved.” In any case, it would be presumptuous to proclaim that God absolutely is or is not going to treat the deceased in a particular way.
This isn’t just a funeral platitude. It’s foundational theology (and epistemology). It should permeate everything the church teaches.
My brother recently died. I never knew if he were anything other than a formally baptized Christian. During his life he could not abide religious talk leading a more hedonistic life even than my own. Did he accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior?? I dont know. Just before he died while he was basically unconscious I prayed that he would accept the Lord but of course never knew if he did. If God listens to the prayers of a righteous man, I might disqualify myself, but Jesus is the Righteous One and our Advocate and I must have faith that my prayer was answered based on that fact. Forgive my childish theology.
Timothy
Timothy, please don’t apologize for your “childish theology.” It’s refreshing, especially today. Today was my first day dissecting in gross anatomy at med school. I prayed for the lady whose body I was studying. We’re all broken, needful, imperfect people, and I must believe that every cry that comes from the heart will be answered.
OK, let’s get this straight: The funeral is both for the departed and for the mourners. We gather first to commit the soul of the departed into the hands of the merciful Lord and the remains to the ground, and second to speak words of comfort to the mourners. As for praying them into heaven, look at the prayers in the 1928 BCP. These were not written by post-Reformation Anglicans, but are what the Church has always prayed, i.e., that God would acknowledge a sheep of his own fold, a sinner of his own redeeming, etc. How can anyone say with certainty that the door to salvation is shut at death? The New Testament does not speak about it, and in the Old there are references to praying for the souls of the faithful departed.
So that is what I do every time I celebrate a Requiem Mass.
We don’t know what happens to the deceased after they die. It is all speculation. The dead person can’t hear the preacher condemn or praise him. However, the living and assured will feel comfort knowing that they are righteous for believing the right things. The sinners are cast from Jesus who do not follow the party line. I guess that is a loving God for some people. I admit, as someone who feels justified in my faith, I would be uncomfortable hearing someone state what they think are the facts.
This does demonstrate why purgatory has some insight….
#9. If prayer for the dead can get people out of hell, or out of jail free, it mus mean that God’s judgment is not final, that His judgment can be manipulated. This is, I submit, pure nonsense. One cannot pray for the dead or ask intercession as if some power is a lawyer who is pleading a case before God, who will the check the applicable law, listen to the jury and then declare a finding. AS far as we can tell from scripture, your soul is before the bar wherein every sin and every good deed is laid absolutely bare so that no questions of good or bad are unclear or ambiguous. There is mercy or there is not. Do you want me to believe that God listens to prayers before he decides whether to grant mercy or not? That He is hesitant or able to be moved? Larry
Larry Morse [#19], there you go again, claiming to be able to say definitively what God does or doesn’t do. Who appointed you his governess? (And don’t say you’re just repeating what Scripture says; the same question applies to its authors.)
You ask, “Do you want me to believe that God listens to prayers before he decides whether to grant mercy or not? That He is hesitant or able to be moved?” Loving fathers can be like that sometimes: It would seem that you’ve forgotten the tale of Abraham’s importuning on behalf of Sodom in Gen. 18.
You say, “If prayer for the dead can get people out of hell, or out of jail free, it mus[t] mean that God’s judgment is not final, that His judgment can be manipulated.” So? Would that make God any less God?
Please get off your epistemological high horse — just because you think God has to be this way or that, doesn’t mean that’s the case. You need to give some serious thought to the message that your certitude is sending to nonbelievers and doubters.
@#20. Re: Abraham and Sodom, the case is not germane. We have been talking about those already dead, which was not the case for Sodom, although it is worthwhile that we remember what God’s judgment was regarding Sodom. We do remember, don’t we, and t he apparent cause? For sin, the reward is punishment. Is this mere speculation of my part? The Sodomites, once they rose from t heir peculiar pleasures, probably didn’t think so, although their time for reflection was rather brief and Lot’s wife was rather short on time for disobedience. Would prayer havce cahnged all that? When God speaks, the Bible tells us: Tremble, Oh Man, and be afraid.” Job would probably agree. Larry
#19, LM, in answer to your question – “yes.” I think God is moved by our prayers. I turn your question around, do you want me to believe that our prayers are useless and only ceremonial things we do only for ourselves, and that God has already made up his mind and ignores our prayers? Sorry, I don’t believe that … otherwise, we would not have free will. Jesus, the human being, grieved deeply over the death of His friend, Lazarus. He prayed for Lazarus’ soul and life and God brought Lazurus back to life as a result. God does things because we ask … Jesus told all of the apostles that same thing – “whatever you ask in my name will be granted.” I believe that and I believe asking for mercy on the soul of our loved ones after they die is no different than asking for mercy on a loved one in earthly life. But that’s just my faith talking. I have no more personal knowledge about what happens after death than anyone else, other than what I’ve read in the Bible about “many mansions” and “I go to prepare a place for you,” and stuff like that.
For your consideration:
The parable about the householder who goes into the marketplace to find laborers for the vineyard(Matt 20:10)..offering a denarius, a days wage, to the hirelings for me speaks to the issue of authority of the householder in exercising his free will to extend to the laborer hired at the 11th hour the same compensation as the laborer hired in the morning. Interestingly, the landowner hired additional workers at the 3rd, 6th, and 9th hours. Those hired earlier in the day were incensed, you can read the details. The upshot is clearly stated. The householder did no wrong and asks, “Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity? SO THE LAST WILL BE FIRST AND THE FIRST LAST.”(capitalized for emphasis)
The Lord is rich in mercy and magnanimously generous. He is the overseer of His kingdom and really doesnt have to answer to anyone.
It is his character, his nature, his right to extend mercy to those who may seem the least likely to “deserve” it. If a person cannot see themselves as one of those least likely to deserve His mercy, perhaps too much effort is being made trying to earn it.
Humbly submitted..
Timothy
correction. Matt 20:1-16