Something strange seems to happen at one of the most important and terrible moments of life and I hardly believe it is only to me; throughout one of the central moments of our culture and our personal experiences one has to keep editing out, so to speak, the bits that one truly cannot accept. This is even worse if one is unlucky enough to have a silly or tactless vicar, a rash intruding priest who tramples on gentle Anglican ambiguities and uncertainties.
I feel the same reading religious poetry or sermons, some of which I love. Poetry, like religion, is supposed to be about truth, or at least to be truthful, and yet if one has constantly to translate, so to speak, some of its central ideas into another idiom ”“ if one has to translate the religious notion of redemption into something secular, for example ”“ there comes a moment when it loses its power, or at least when one cannot take it seriously.
Some people I talked to, a couple of them actors and agnostics, were not troubled by any of this. They said that they are affected by sound, performance, the power of words; they don’t seem to be confined by my literal-mindedness. I do see that literal-mindedness can be petty and reductive; a great deal of communication happens outside literal meaning. All the same, for an unbeliever what meaning can there be at all in Julian of Norwich’s saying that all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well? Words are only partly music; they must offer sense as well as sensation.
Yet what alternative can there be to one’s own tradition? It is hard, unilaterally and suddenly, to create a new ritual…
[i]Yet what alternative can there be to one’s own tradition? It is hard, unilaterally and suddenly, to create a new ritual…[/i]
Why, whatever can she mean? The Episcopal Church has been doing this for years.
[blockquote]We have recently held a humanist funeral ceremony for my mother. The ceremony was all about her and not about a god in which she did not believe. Liz Jones, Marlow, UK [/blockquote]
Yes, indeed.
Have any burial ‘rite’ you want — but NOT in a Church setting, and don’t call it a ‘Christian’ burial. Here’s one in the ‘you-can’t-make-it-up’ department: I recently attended a memorial service in an Episcopal cathedral (with many clergy in their most splendid vestments). The service consisted of four lengthy family ‘remembrances’, the brief burial office, one hymn; and FOUR American pop songs. At the conclusion, the crucifer led the family out to the strains of ‘Give My Regards to Broadway’!! What an inspiring witness to Christ’s victory over the grave!!
This makes me both sad and hopeful. Sad because we’ve done such a bad job of “culture-making” (to borrow a term from Andy Crouch’s new eponymous book) in the last century or two that we have a culture around us that thinks religious belief is absurd (witness the new film “Religulous”). Hopeful because there are still people who want funerals in church, people who still see that there is something important and powerful there, who sense the reality of holiness and of God behind the rituals; and so there are still opportunities to preach the Gospel through the institutions and rituals. If we are wise enough to do so.
#2
My beloved mother-in-law was a staunch athiest and her funeral, MC’ed by an Episcopal priest without vestments, was simply a graveside service where he gave thanks to an unspecified God for her life and a eulogy was read. That was all she and her husband wanted. My wife and I are both Anglicans and Christians and it was terribly disturbing. It’s the first non-church funeral I’ve been to, and the first for someone who wasn’t at least nominally a Christian. Deeply tragic.
evan miller – if your mother-in-law was an atheist, why was the service MC’ed by a priest giving thanks to an unspecified God? Maybe she was an agnostic, not an atheist? It seems as though if she truly was an atheist, she wouldn’t want any mention of any god since she had no belief in any god (or maybe she left no information on what she wanted and the family made these decisions?).
http://www.getreligion.org/?p=3825
And entertaining bit on the business of death.
As for this article, are the British artistic and literary sets all such vapid narcissists?
I always evangelize at a funeral. What is more appropriate than proclaiming the Good News and inviting people to faith in Christ at such a time? In my experience some people actually are open to listen at such times.
#8 Jeff Marx: And well you should. I wonder: is there [i]any[/i] time at all when we should not evangelize in some way? Shouldn’t we always be preaching the gospel, in word, in action, in the way we live our lives? Seems funny for someone to complain that a priest is preaching the gospel, no? This is like complaining that everytime the plumber comes over he’s always messing around with pipes.
#6
When she went into the hospital the week before she died, her husband told us she didn’t want any clergy coming by. She had a massive stroke two days later and we continued to honor her wish. I guess my sister-in-law didn’t tell her rector, the TEC priest, and he came by many times and when the funeral director asked who was going to MC the graveside “service” my father-in-law asked the priest to. The prayer was so minimalist that any religious significance was almost imperceptible. No, my mother-in-law was not an agnostic. She was an athiest. During the week she was in a coma it was difficult to know what to pray for. I settled on asking that there be some resivoir of consciousness in her brain that would enable her to finally accept our Lord when, as I’m sure he was doing, he kept offering himself to her.
#6 – evan miller – thanks for answering my questions. It sounds like you figured out a wonderful way to pray for her.
I would like to suggest that those of us who have relatives/loved ones who ‘don’t want a funeral’ or some such simply ask our priest to hold a small burial office for the deceased….We did this for several of my relatives, and it was very meaningful.
It turns out that an elderly woman died Thursday morning and last night, hours after reading this and posting, I found myself doing a memorial eucharist for some 55-60 family and friends. She had lingered for some days and many family were heading back. I referenced the article and proceeded to explain that beyond the Gospel I had little to offer which would provide meaning or comfort. I find it fascinating how God uses so many accidental connections in our lives to weave together His work. THe Lord Jesus is victor over death. I must remind myself any time I am tempted to despair about death (or the church!)
#13 Jeff Marx, these accidental connections are indeed wonderful. Who knows how many people’s spirits you touched at that service?
Nearly fifty years ago my two year old daughter died tragically. You know I don’t even remember the words spoken by the clergy. I do remember the Episcopal priest of the friends who shared our grief. I think he broke every speed law in the city he had to traverse to get to us. After comforting us for awhile he poured glasse of wine passed them out and said “.. you have lost a daughter very tragically, of that there is no doubt but you will see her again…Let us take a moment and rejoice for you now have a Saint in heaven.” I was very sad: true but what he said has carried on in the Episcopal Church for all these fifty years. And as the time approaches for me to see her once again I praise God and His Son Jesus for the hope I have held onto for those many years. I miss her yes; I think of her every dya and I still have a faded photo that I can hold close. Her memory lives on. I asked a Christian friend of mine – “Will I know her and will she know me?” He replied; “you will recognize her when you see her again. Of that I am sure” Those words I do remember – PRAISE GOD.