What is so vital about America, what makes it so thrilling as a nation, is the deep-rooted belief that everything can be improved, transformed and – with enough ingenuity and effort – perfected. Having the American A-list in our midst – and the disposable income of an economic boom – turned British women from a nation of stubbly legged home-permers and gym-avoiders into waxed, manicured, extreme-yoga devotees.
But apply the principles of self-improvement to parenting and insanity beckons. In 2004 the American writer Judith Warner published Perfect Madness, about middle-class mothers in Washington, who, feeling duty-bound to leave their careers, had funnelled every atom of creativity, ambition and status anxiety into raising children. I read it with snorts of derision: women who micromanaged playdates so that their kids made the “right” friends, scheduled in a dozen improving after-school activities, bought Mandarin Chinese flashcards for their babies, campaigned passionately to have chocolate milk banned from the school canteen. This supercharged motherhood seemed so pushy and anxious – so focused on honing a successful end product, a market leader of which they could feel proud.
Man oh man, ain’t this the truth! Motherhood as a psychiatric problem: obsessive compulsive disease with a twist. Larry
Why can’t she just say, “the choices I am making today are not the best”? The subprime trend may have changed banking, but it really didn’t demand that anyone change their parenting practices.
Why blame it on other people. If she doesn’t like the life she is creating for herself and child, then she has the power to adjust.
Motherhood is tribal, for a host of reasons, and the tribe sets the terms. What takes courage is to find a new tribe.
What is insightful about the article is the view that modern-feminist former-office achievers tend to impose that model on mothering. Is that a way of dealing with the ill-deserved guilt of actually being a mother without the feminist baggage?
[blockquote]When my first son was a toddler I’d schlep over to fancy West London playgrounds just to spy on American parents. [/blockquote]
I wish Ms. Turner could know that there are playgrounds like that in every town in America, with one group of parents watching the others in exactly the same way. The fact that she, an internationally known columnist, seems to only know the second type of American speaks volumes.
Janice Turner needs to meet a wider range of Americans than she sees or reads about in London.
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“Great to hear that [the Queen] keeps au courant with her grandchildren by e-mail”
When sending e-mail to your royal grandmother, do you address it to her (e.g., E2R@royal.gov.uk) or to her private secretary (privsec@royal.gov.uk or noyb@royal.gov.uk)?
But Irenaeus, she is talking about the well-heeled urban mother, and her charge is certainly just – if you have ever watched the carnivorous Serengeti when well heeled urban moms try to get their kids into the “best” elementary schools? And you can see it even here in the boondocks when mothers with elementary school kids begin to push and push for fewer recesses and more academics – especially, in high school, AP courses. Research papers in elementary school ! Talk about a feeding frenzy! Larry
Can’t we just let our kids grow up normally without pushing the fool out of them? Could this be one of the majority reasons for young mothers??
Oh, do stuff it Janice – take some responsibility for your own behaviour….