Younger people are also hesitant to get married. In 1960, 68 percent of 20-somethings had tied the knot, but now only one in four have.
The economy has some effect on this trend, especially for those in the lower rungs of the socio-economic ladder, since many people seek financial stability before getting married. In 2008, more than half of all adults were married, compared to 72 percent in 1960.
Tony Perkins, president of the conservative Washington-based Family Research Council, took issue with more pessimistic interpretations of the survey.
“A decline in the percentage of adults who are married is largely because people delay marriage, not because young men and women are foregoing marriage completely,” he said.
My experience agrees with Perkins’ comments. Lucy and I married in 1966; I was 27 finished seminary and ordained deacon; she was 21 and a college senior. Our daughter married in 2009; she and her husband were both 32, college graduates with 9 years work experience and jobs. Our son is single at age 39.
I don’t think I would marry again (not that I don’t adore my wife), but the risk is absolutely enormous for men. No fault divorce can give half a man’s life savings, property, and retirement into the hands of a gold digger. Further, if there are children (regardless of whether they are the biological offspring of the man), he will be enslaved by a court until they are 18 years old to pay for their continued lifestyle expectations. The ex-husband can end up paying the insurance and mortgage and a hefty child support while the ex-wife is shacked up with her boyfriend and living large on his slave labor for nearly 2 decades before he is sort of free. But just when the man thinks he might be finally rid of a gold digger, she is into his retirement for half. Better not to marry with the crazy laws we have today.
Well, I’ve seen statistics where 4 in 10 people think Elvis is still alive and that President Obama is a Muslim, too. That doesn’t mean those people should be taken seriously or that they are going to rule the day.
Oh, and all she has to do is alledge that he was verbally abusive and the man will go to jail and wait to sort things out before a judge. He may lose significant civil liberties because of a liar, such as 2nd Amendment rights and the right to freely travel (due to restraining orders, etc.) because the system will err on the side of protecting the woman rather than determining actual facts…that takes too much of the court’s valuable time. “Next!”
No. 4: Join the clergy. We don’t make enough money for gold diggers to give us the time of day. 😉
#2 – Obviously lots of points made there and it sounds like some very negative personal experiences or those of friends. However, the statistics have been that the advent of ‘no fault divorce’ has seen a huge surge in the number of women and children who live below the poverty line. To be fair, it could well be that ‘no fault divorce’ and the societal normalization of sex outside of marriage are so intertwined as to make teasing out which has more effect highly difficult.
I certainly wonder what pulls people, especially men, who are not believers in one of the faiths which require marriage for sexual relations into that institution. Formerly society pushed for it, as it created security and safety for children and for those who spend their days with them [feeding them, ensuring a clean, warm home for them, etc. (generally women)]. Since society has discounted the importance of the institution in assuring for the safety and security of children (and their mothers), I wonder why so many non-believers are still drawn to it….
#6 The negative experiences are those of friends through the years. I am very grateful for my beloved wife. I don’t think I would ever remarry if God forbid it came to that. If I were to remarry, I would seek someone not from our culture and have a pre-nuptual to protect me and my heirs and assigns. But honestly, I think I would rather have my good memories than try to start over. Please Lord, don’t let it come to that. I am fortunate that she is in good health and that I am about 5 years older. For my part, if I were to pass early, she and the kids would be well provided for. I just marvel at the sadness of the world and the terrible things that people do to each other and how the law somtimes facilitates that. Just about everything is set up to discourage marriage in our society and with it be redefined to include same gender unions, what is the point? If I were a young man, I would likely think that marriage is what gay people do or a quaint relic practiced by religious wackos.
Marriage is essential for the raising of children, the number of children living in poverty is directly proportional to the number of unmarried women having children. We no longer support marriage and no longer look for women to be good wives. A Proverbs 31 woman is a gift to her husband and her children. Such a thing is rarely spoken of today and even more rarely considered a goal. We scorn women who serve their families and women are praised when they treat men like the dirt under their feet. Marriage is for the comfort of one another and a good marriage is a blessing to both.
It has always been thus. I remember watching an old Doris Day movie (“By the light of the silvery moon”), set at the end of the first world war, and her boyfriend coming home from war tried to convince her that ‘marriage was an old-fashioned custom’ now out of date in “these modern times”.
The heart of the issue is this: Why marry, and accept the commitment, when you can avoid it all and get all the benefits? Who will explain why it is necessary to make the commitments? At least, in a way that all these people can understand? If love is conditional and revoke-able, why stick with one partner? Prenups are simply a sign that the end is certain – only a matter of time. Someone want to explain about growing up? Larry
#9 – while I know we have a generational-centrism, thinking things now are like never before, I believe there is likely a difference in the old movie you cited (which, I freely admit, I have not seen) and now. In the movie when the boyfriend said marriage is old-fashioned for ‘these modern times’, the audience knew he was morally wrong and that she would not give in to his desire. At least one difference is that now the ultimate result would not be a foregone conclusion and, in fact, could turn out either way. However, were she to ‘shack up’ with him, there is a decent chance (statistically) she would end up living below the poverty line.
“Prenups are simply a sign that the end is certain – only a matter of time.”
Maybe so, but I think that they are actually a reality check that 60% of the time people are wrong about the prospect that their marriage will last. In the many centuries past, across multiple cultures and religions, marriage was at its heart a contract or covenant. Our society has removed some of the basic safeguards and now, the man entering into such a contract is at an extreme disadvantage. She will get the kids, the house, and a huge part of his paycheck…possibly cause him to lose some basic rights as a citizen…and possibly deny him contact with his biological offspring if she is (or becomes) a liar and decides she wants to shack up with a different man or that she is just tired of her husband and married life. I have known several men that have been nearly destroyed by a vindictive ex-wife. Typically the pattern is that they (the wife) max out the credit cards, allege some sort of abuse toward themselves and/or the children (to include “verbal abuse”), demand unreasonable levels of support, demand all insurances are maintained at the same level, demand the house, demand a car…and then they have a live-in boyfriend or girlfriend. If he is lucky, he gets to see the kids on the weekends and whenever she needs/wants a break or vacation with her new significant other.
I fully admit and understand that many men can be insensitive clods, etc. What I am saying is that the consequences are disproportionately set against the man. I have known three men that were physically abused by their wives (two of whom used “deadly weapons” to threaten and intimidate the men) and that were trapped by the entire system in these abusive relationships.
Women hold all the keys of power in our society when it comes to marriage and even living together. An allegation is enough for the man to end up spending the night in jail. If the police show up, the man is automatically going to jail. A few thousand dollars later, he might prevail in court, but his record is permanently marked and any future allegations will be weighted by that mark, regardless of its merrit.
There was a song in which the woman lamented: “Where have all the cowboys gone? Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending?” Well, you have only to look at no fault divorce and the bias against men in the court system to know the answer to that question. The womyn’s movement has murdered them all and all the boys growing up are doped and cowed by a misandrist “educational” system. Look at the statistics of women vs. men in attending higher education, ADD diagnosis of boys compared to girls, etc. They have made being a boy a crime punishable with a permanent label of “disordered” and forced substance abuse and “behavior modification” to make them less like boys. But, I digress…
I don’t disagree with you really #12. The cards are now stacked against men – the evidence is everywhere. What worse, if it was once hard to find a good man, it is ten times harder to find a good woman. Who wants to marry and trust a college girl who has been laid so many times in college she can’t count them, and who thinks this this no problem? Mind you a good woman is more precious that jewels and gold, but if yo can’t find one (and I know some of you, as I, have found one) then you better take a prenup that returns your jewels and gold at the end. Women complain that men won’t commit; we hear this over and over. I wonder why? Maybe they had better check their own values and behavior. Larry
I firmly believe God has a simple answer for those who of you who put love of your earthly treasure ahead of your holy union. And that message is “I did not bless this marriage.” If you want a prenup don’t get married. Marriage was never intended to be easy. No one should enter with the belief there is an easy way out.
In a way this is a failing of the church. Long ago we should have distinguished between the sacrament of marriage and the contractual room mates with benefits arrangement which can be referred to as civil unions. Anyone can contract to live together, but only those committed to their union as unbreakable and who are willing to fulfill their vows to god, can be truly married.
My wife and I have been married 25 years now. We have had bad times and we have had good times. There were plenty of times when confidence in the survival of our marriage was weak by one or the other. But our commitment to our vows brought us through each trial, and with each hurdle we crossed our bond became stronger. God has blessed our union, and I am more confident than ever that nothing can break it.
Those of you who advise your children to enter into prenuptial agreements prior to marriage are doing them a great disservice. You are teaching them that marriage is a contract, that can be broken. That they can negotiated their exit strategy. But that is not a marriage. Marriage is a permanent commitment to a life long journey with no legitimate outs. God does not endorse experiments in marriage.
Likewise God will not send you a gold digger or a gigolo. If you marry a gold digger or a gigolo, look to yourself and your own weakness. You were looking for the wrong thing from the beginning. Perhaps it was the beauty, that will fade with time. Perhaps it was the riches, that are temporary and fragile. Perhaps it was lust, that is quickly satisfied and ready to move on. Perhaps it was the fun you were having, that will go and come. Perhaps it was peer pressure. But it was not the culmination of a search for the one god has chosen for you. The one without whom your life will be incomplete. Teach your children what to look for in a spouse, to give relationships time, and to discuss values and religion; not how to enter a cheap experiment.
I say that a pre-nup is essential now that there is no-fault divorce. Do away with the easy divorces first and then we can talk about doing away with marriage contracts. However, I would point out that until very recently, marriage in the West and in many other cultures was a contract and somehow, there was still room for God, and love, etc. By the way, marriage still is a contract, despite all the romance because the state recognizes the contractual obligations that people take on when they marry. So, whether you will or no, it is a contract. So what is wrong with putting in writing that one party will not be destroyed if the other party decides they want out? Is “real” love just blind? I call that infatuation, not love. Real love is mature and considers what is best for all concerned. It isn’t one sided in favor of women (or men). One of the very best things we could do for marriage is to get lawyers out of divorce all together. It should be like probate, but no lawyers. Some states have had success with “cooling off” periods and manditory counseling. I think that is a very good idea. I also think that there should be a manditory class before marriage. The state has a vested interest due to the property matters involved and the possibility of children. We have to take manditory classes to carry a firearm, drive, hunt, etc. There should be a mandatory class for couples intending to marry…strictly from the civil side of the house. Either that, or government should have NOTHING to say about marriage, property, kids, etc.
#14. Well said and right on the mark. Larry
As families we need to give our children and husbands/wives the kind of home life that we desire ourselves. Marriage is not 50/50 it is 100/100.
Women are fully responsible for the chaos that is the American Family. What a nightmare. We need to be better wives and mothers, not mothers who have good nannies, but real moms. We need to work at the home and our jobs and help at school and a thousand other things. We even need to save enough energy to love our husbands at the end of the day. If we do all of that, we have done our best and it will be good enough, and our family will know that they are loved. This is truly what it is all about.