Courtship for the Christian, after all, isn’t a means of entertainment; it’s about discerning whether someone would make a good husband or wife. But the discussion is fraught with peril because it is tied up with deeper conversations about Christianity itself, about the tensions between law and grace, between justice and forgiveness.
The sexual past of a potential future spouse is important to know about because of the nature of marriage as a one-flesh union (Gen. 2:23”“24; Eph. 5:28”“33). Biblically speaking, marriage is not a partnership between two individuals who have compartmentalized off parts of their lives. The Apostle Paul dismisses any such notion with his radical statement that a husband’s sexuality does not belong to him but to his wife (1 Cor. 7:4), and vice-versa. In a very real sense, your spouse’s sexual past becomes part of your story, too.
Of course, the act itself, disconnected from the conjugal vow, does not create a marriage; otherwise, there would be no concept of “fornication” in the Scriptures. Even so, in the Christian perspective, there is no such thing as a casual sexual encounter….
Beautiful throughout. Thank you for posting this wonderful Gospel-filled article. Dr. Moore is always impressive. As I read it, I kept thinking every paragraph – Why doesn’t this sort of un-nuanced, unpolluted truth come from Anglican, Episcopal, or Catholic Bishops and teachers?
In prayer ministry, we have people who come to us to renounce all ‘soul ties’ from prior sinful sexual unions and unhealthy emotional dependencies before God. This prepares them to give themselves fully to God, spirit, soul and body…and to prepare themselves for a real, fully committed and holy marriage. Too many times, old relationships are allowed to blur boundaries and stain and flavor a marriage.
Dr. Moore has it right. We have a right to, absolutely must know where our partner has been, whether he or she is fully ready to let the past go and enter fully into a true unfettered union with us – beforehand! Porn addiction is an epidemic and a mind-soul-altering drug. It can and will permeate and overshadow one’s entire marriage.
[blockquote]I counseled the young woman who wrote to me against direct questioning. I’ve seen too many budding relationships wrecked by a talk that prematurely formed an inappropriate emotional intimacy. She doesn’t need to know, a month into the relationship, all the details (or lack thereof) of his sexual past. What she does need to know is how he views sexual immorality and how he sees fidelity.[/blockquote]
It might be too early at one month but it does seem that we need to have a pre-engagement evaluation period that is more deliberate than dating but not as committed as “popping the question”.
Would you buy a horse without checking its teeth to ascertain that it really is 10 years old, not 20? And why should you do less with a spouse? Larry