Women are waiting longer to have children, and more women than ever are choosing not to have children at all, according to a new Census Bureau report.
Twenty percent of women ages 40 to 44 have no children, double the level of 30 years ago, the report said; and women in that age bracket who do have children have fewer than ever ”” an average of 1.9 children, compared with the median of 3.1 children in 1976.
“A lot of women are not having any children,” said Jane Lawler Dye, a Census Bureau researcher who did the report, which looked at women of childbearing age in 2006. “It used to be sort of expected that there was a phase of life where you had children, and a lot of women aren’t doing that now,” Ms. Dye said.
Places like Spain, Greece and Italy make America look like a fountain of fecundity, too. As I’ve said in the context of the debate over the direction of the Anglican Communion, the future belongs to those who are in it.
Teddy Roosevelt sends us this message from the grave:
[blockquote]The willfully idle man, like the willfully barren woman, has no place in a sane, healthy, and vigorous community. Moreover, the gross and hideous selfishness for which each stands defeats even its own miserable aims. Exactly as infinitely the happiest woman is she who has borne and brought up many healthy children, so infinitely the happiest man is he who has toiled hard and successfully in his life-work.[/blockquote]
Don
This is very sad. Yes, motherhood (and fatherhood) requires a great deal of personal sacrifice. But when you consider it’s all in aid of bringing another soul into communion with God, it’s worth it. Wasn’t this God’s first commandment – to be fruitful and multiply?
They have chosen house, car, career and nice clothes over what truly gives joy. Sadly, our beautiful, educated 34-yr-old daughter, who was raised in TEC, remains single, having given away many years to live-ins that didn’t work out. The guys are getting it for free. Why commit?
How can anyone other than God and the woman involved know why someone might choose to go childless?
Not so much a choice, as the result of some poor or misguided decisions that we end up living with, such as our buying a new home last year. Ugh!
“How can anyone other than God and the woman involved know why someone might choose to go childless?”
I truly hope that this is assumed – at the individual level. I judge no individual. There can be no doubt that there are also prevailing cultural and spiritual issues. These must be addressed in the hope of more women at peace between they and their God.
Don
CharlesB,
Have you spoken to your daughter about your concerns? Just wondering b/c I did much the same as her until it was almost too late. My parents never said a word against my life choices. At the time I was glad of that. But now, I truly wish they had spoken w/me honestly. I really love and respect my parents and value their opinions. If they had talked to me, I like to think I would’ve listened and heeded their advice. But who knows. Maybe I would’ve listened but gone on about my merry way.
CarolR, what should I tell her? I’m not being facetious. Type something out, advice from one who has been there, and I will go from there. Thanks!
I caught the news report on this survey this morning. Several things struck me on the report;
1. Those making the choice not to have children. I have known a few people who fall into this category. They like their life as it is now and feel children would complicate that life. Yes, there certainly is a level of selfishness. I also know several who state that they were never drawn to children and always knew that a family would not be their lot in life.
2. Single women. These have chosen, for absolutely the right reason, not to have children outside of wedlock, but are now older and still unmarried.
3. Infertility. Those who have waited to become financially secure and now find that they and their spouse are unable to conceive.
I can personally and painfully emphasize with this latter group. It was never my intention to be childless, but I am. Medical issues, including cancer changed our plans.
Charles,
Maybe ask her what her goals are for herself. What does she want her life to be like in 10 years? What does she dream of for herself? If her dreams include marriage and/or family then beginning now, each day she should make the choices that will move her toward those dreams. If her choices include children born of her, then at this point EVERY year is precious. After age 35 a woman’s chances of conceiving drop dramatically every year. And that’s just a fact we women have to deal with accordingly. A man can decide at 45 that he wants kids afterall and probably succeed. But for us women, probably . . . no. And if she wants marriage, then no shacking up and playing house. As a man you can tell her a man’s perspective and what a man is really looking for when he proposes shacking up, and not marriage. And whatever her dreams are, she’s worthy of them. She shouldn’t settle for less. We’ve all only got one life. She should treat herself as the precious child of God that she is. Anyway, I don’t mean to ramble or get preachy. This is just what came to my mind. I hope things come out well for your daughter. God Bless her.
Carol
One more reason for a low birth rate is the result of abortion, rendering women unable to conceive. Most women don’t even realize the damage that’s been done. Unfortunately, the only women (and some men) that I know who have consciously chosen not to have children, have done so for purely selfish reasons … as have those I know who have had abortions.
T
I wonder how many women and/or their spouses (male) decide not to have children because they fear bringing in new life to such a hostile and godless (acting) world?
CarolR, thanks for the advice. Sincerely. I will see what I can muster up the courage for.
#13 ~ That was my son’s excuse … until his wife became pregnant. Now his whole life revolves around his son. It’s probably the only grandchild I’ll have, sad to say.
T
There is a subtle connection between the refusal to have children (at the hands of the educated and affluent) and the surge of homosexuality. Do you see it? LM
It’s sad that people assume childlessness is a matter of choice. I waited a long time before God brought me a husband and now we’ve waited a long time for a child. Please please don’t think that just because a couple in their 40’s don’t have kids it’s because they didn’t want them or that there were abortions in the past or other issues.
Bootwife, I agree. Besides the one daughter who is still single, we have a daughter-in-law who waited until after completing her Master’s and getting the career all settled, then at the age of 31 decided to have a baby. Needless to say, after many years of birth control, things did not just happen. It has now been four years, and they are still trying . . ..
yah, please don’t be making all these assumptions that most women choose it. i married the love of my life at 38. it should be a public service by the gov’t to let women know that it doesn’t last forever and medicine is very limited in what it can do. i assumed i could always ‘get fixed’ by a doctor if it didn’t happen for us naturally. it is massively expensive and heartbreakingly stressful and has small chances for success for those of ‘advanced maternal age'(over 35). so my choices were to have children while in a miserable marriage or be older and try when i had a healthy one. on the cynical side, there are 6 billion that need to be fed on this earth, i think the human race has indeed been fruitful, just not evenly spread out. just know that this is one old lady that would love to have genetic descendants.
You’re welcome, Charles. Magnolia, do they have to be genetic? Like you, I found that infertility was massively expensive to treat and not terribly successful. I weighed my options . . . spend a few years, lots of money and lots of pain and then possibly/probably end up with “nothing to show for it” so to speak? Or put my time, efforts and resources into adopting and ultimately end up a mother. Once I thought about it like that, for me it was an easy decision. I rejected the IVF route completely and pursued adoption. For me, what I wanted most was to be a Mom, not to carry a child or experience a pregnancy. Afterall, that only lasts a few months. But being someone’s Mom is for a lifetime. Now thanks be to God I’ve got a couple of beautiful children. Do I ever look at them and think, if only they were “mine?” Never. They are mine. But I’m just asking. I’m not judging you. We each have to do what’s right for us in our hearts. And what is the right path for one, may not be for another. Blessings come from many sources.
our society needs more people with an attitude like Carol R’s methinks.