Need help with “I love you”? Here’s what I’ve learned:
Pretend you’re a child. My sister recently tried to teach her son, Zachy, who is almost three, to sing the song “Do You Love Me?” from “Fiddler on the Roof” with her. Each time she sang the title lyric, Zachy belted out “YES!”
Ask the person to say it back to you. Dr. Kirschner calls this “positive shaping talk.” If you tell your mother that you love her and she doesn’t respond, say, “Mom, I would really appreciate it if you told me you loved me.” If mom freezes, Dr. Kirschner says, gently coax and encourage her. “No one can read your mind,” she says. “You have to teach them how to show you love.”
Why am I so repelled by the “I love you” purveyors? They become bullies of a soft manipulation and I always want top smack them after they give me a hug I don’t want and and then spout their motto. No dear, I DON”T love you, thank heaven. Larry