Dear Dr. Moore,
My wife and I are at an impasse. There’s been no abandonment, no sexual immorality, and no abuse. We just don’t get along. We shouldn’t have married. We should have known we are incompatible. I know God hates divorce but I don’t have any other option. My pastor and some Christian counselors have told me that while God hates divorce, this is the lesser of two evils because God doesn’t want me to be miserable. What do you think?
Married but Miserable….
Well, were they married in a vacuum? Did they just turn this shallow overnight or since they were married? If not, then it seems to me that this is yet another case of the “everyone needs to be married no matter what” syndrome plaguing society and Christianity, as well.
The dude sounds immature and if wifey is on the same wavelength then she is immature, as well. Whoever did their marital prep. and officiated at their wedding likely didn’t probe much below the surface and clearly dropped the ball, unless the happy couple wore impenetrable masks.
I don’t think this is really about divorce; it’s about a marriage that should never have been solemnized. Too bad they’re not RC — it might be annulled, and that means God never properly joined them in the first place!
Oddly enough, the only people who have told me that “God hates divorce” line have been married at least a few times each. The most notorious is on marriage number 4. So I’m thinking that “God hates divorce” must only be the introduction to a rather antithetical second phrase I haven’t heard yet. Maybe “Got hates divorce so you need to keep marrying until you get it right”?
You don’t choose your family. But you don’t divorce your parents or siblings. So you don’t like your spouse. Suck it up and live with it. There are other relationships and other sources of gratification. Marriage is forever, and that’s that. We need these sources of security or else we live in a world in which we are consantly hustling, always selling ourselves. How much do you want out of marriage anyway? Financial and social security is all you need.
#2 — LOL, financial security is precisely why I’m NOT married!
Besides, if you’re an adult, you no longer live with your parents or siblings so there’s no need to “divorce” them. But if they annoy you, you can limit the relationship and time spent together as much or as little as you wish. 😉
On his death-bed poor Lubin lies:
His spouse is in despair:
With frequent sobs, and mutual cries,
They both express their care.
A different cause, says Parson Sly,
The same effect may give:
Poor Lubin fears that he may die;
His wife, that he may live.
[by Matthew Prior]