The key part of matrimony is the making of a plege to Almighty God. THis should not be entered into lightly , or before one actually KNOWS the Almighty.
I agree that it is improper to get married in a church just to do it, or seeing priests or other ministers as handy people who perform services.
That said, there are countries where the customs are different than in America, especially if there is a state religion. In some countries, citizens have a right to the clergy performing baptisms, marriages and funerals for anyone within their boundaries, even if they haven’t set foot in a church since they were baptized as an infant. The United States is not one of them. Because we are not born into a state religion, but often have to fill out applications for membership, churches can become more of a club or a fraternity. Still, even if nominally from a Christian background, we still have this feel for having a minister officiate at marriages. It seems to make it more “real” than just showing up at a justice of the peace. It seems more “right.”
That said, I do not necessarily agree a couple MUST be members of a church to be married there. However, at least one of the couple should be a baptized Christian, and they should be subjected to the same standards as the members, such as scheduling in advance, undergoing pre-marital counseling, etc. This should help greatly for the couple to keep God properly in the wedding, and not just have the church as a prop.
Weddings of people who are not church members can have a evangelistic effect and bring the couple to deeper faith and church membership. When I have been asked to solemnize a marriage I try to find out the religious experience of both man and woman, particularly the woman, and decide whether they have enough understanding of Christian marriage to be able to enter into it.
The Episcopal Church canons explicitly state the right of any member of the clergy to refuse to officiate at any marriage, and I have from time to time declined to officiate.
Re # 4
I concur. That said there is a fairly diverse opinion among Christians on the subject of marriage. Many do not see it as a sacrament all. I think this is one of those situations where your mileage will vary depending on the vehicle.
Low church non-confessional Protestants tend to be less concerned about such things. The Episcopal Church has something very close to an open door policy with the sacraments, though it seems uncertain about what is a sacrament, as with so many things. In the Orthodox Church (and the Roman Catholic as well), there are considerable restrictions on marriage. In Orthodoxy at least one of the two must be Orthodox and the other if not Orthodox must at least be a baptized (Trinitarian) Christian. The Orthodox Church does not marry non-Christians. Also the non-Orthodox party must sign agreements promising not to interfere with the raising of any children in the Orthodox Church. That said mixed marriages are discouraged and when permitted it is out of economy.
I wouldn’t say that it’s wrong, it’s just preferrable to marry within the community where you’ll be worshiping as a couple. Don’t have a church home? Then find one and get married there. It’s part of settling down, establishing a household, raising a family.
The church where I work at one time was something of a wedding factory. I’ve heard stories of all kinds of weddings taking place in the building — some not exactly Christian! Every so often we still get a phone call from someone who wants to know if we rent out our church for weddings. No, sorry. You might be able to rent the parish hall for a reception, but the sanctuary and nave are not for rent. Is the couple willing to come visit on Sunday morning and think about attending here regularly? (No.) Will they go through pre-marital counseling with our rector and have him officiate at the service? (No.)
Occasionally we make exceptions for missionaries and folks in the armed forces but if people are just looking for a pretty setting for their vows they should try the chapel in the woods or go to the beach.
Its hard to know what is on someone’s heart/intentions. I think, ultimately its up to the pastor to agree to performing a ceremony and making the church available. I think it entirely reasonable, based on one or more interviews/counselings, for a pastor to determine whether or not they want to officiate.
In our parish, the Rector is the “wedding planner”. All and any plans for the wedding including flowers, photography, music, etc. have to be approved by him. Especially any deviations (however slight) from the Rite in the BCP. Or at least that’s what the “marriage handbook” given to us at premarital counseling said. For my own wedding I had to have permission from him to use our choir organist instead of the former organist (retired) who still plays almost every wedding and funeral. Whenever I am asked to sing at a wedding I okay it through our rector.
I don’t really think many non-members (or non-Christians) want to go through that to get married in our parish, which IMO is quite beautiful, especially for churches in the immediate area.
The key part of matrimony is the making of a plege to Almighty God. THis should not be entered into lightly , or before one actually KNOWS the Almighty.
Don
I agree that it is improper to get married in a church just to do it, or seeing priests or other ministers as handy people who perform services.
That said, there are countries where the customs are different than in America, especially if there is a state religion. In some countries, citizens have a right to the clergy performing baptisms, marriages and funerals for anyone within their boundaries, even if they haven’t set foot in a church since they were baptized as an infant. The United States is not one of them. Because we are not born into a state religion, but often have to fill out applications for membership, churches can become more of a club or a fraternity. Still, even if nominally from a Christian background, we still have this feel for having a minister officiate at marriages. It seems to make it more “real” than just showing up at a justice of the peace. It seems more “right.”
That said, I do not necessarily agree a couple MUST be members of a church to be married there. However, at least one of the couple should be a baptized Christian, and they should be subjected to the same standards as the members, such as scheduling in advance, undergoing pre-marital counseling, etc. This should help greatly for the couple to keep God properly in the wedding, and not just have the church as a prop.
Just my two cents.
Weddings of people who are not church members can have a evangelistic effect and bring the couple to deeper faith and church membership. When I have been asked to solemnize a marriage I try to find out the religious experience of both man and woman, particularly the woman, and decide whether they have enough understanding of Christian marriage to be able to enter into it.
The Episcopal Church canons explicitly state the right of any member of the clergy to refuse to officiate at any marriage, and I have from time to time declined to officiate.
The holy sacraments of the Church ought not be treated like cafeteria offerings.
Re # 4
I concur. That said there is a fairly diverse opinion among Christians on the subject of marriage. Many do not see it as a sacrament all. I think this is one of those situations where your mileage will vary depending on the vehicle.
Low church non-confessional Protestants tend to be less concerned about such things. The Episcopal Church has something very close to an open door policy with the sacraments, though it seems uncertain about what is a sacrament, as with so many things. In the Orthodox Church (and the Roman Catholic as well), there are considerable restrictions on marriage. In Orthodoxy at least one of the two must be Orthodox and the other if not Orthodox must at least be a baptized (Trinitarian) Christian. The Orthodox Church does not marry non-Christians. Also the non-Orthodox party must sign agreements promising not to interfere with the raising of any children in the Orthodox Church. That said mixed marriages are discouraged and when permitted it is out of economy.
I wouldn’t say that it’s wrong, it’s just preferrable to marry within the community where you’ll be worshiping as a couple. Don’t have a church home? Then find one and get married there. It’s part of settling down, establishing a household, raising a family.
The church where I work at one time was something of a wedding factory. I’ve heard stories of all kinds of weddings taking place in the building — some not exactly Christian! Every so often we still get a phone call from someone who wants to know if we rent out our church for weddings. No, sorry. You might be able to rent the parish hall for a reception, but the sanctuary and nave are not for rent. Is the couple willing to come visit on Sunday morning and think about attending here regularly? (No.) Will they go through pre-marital counseling with our rector and have him officiate at the service? (No.)
Occasionally we make exceptions for missionaries and folks in the armed forces but if people are just looking for a pretty setting for their vows they should try the chapel in the woods or go to the beach.
Its hard to know what is on someone’s heart/intentions. I think, ultimately its up to the pastor to agree to performing a ceremony and making the church available. I think it entirely reasonable, based on one or more interviews/counselings, for a pastor to determine whether or not they want to officiate.
In our parish, the Rector is the “wedding planner”. All and any plans for the wedding including flowers, photography, music, etc. have to be approved by him. Especially any deviations (however slight) from the Rite in the BCP. Or at least that’s what the “marriage handbook” given to us at premarital counseling said. For my own wedding I had to have permission from him to use our choir organist instead of the former organist (retired) who still plays almost every wedding and funeral. Whenever I am asked to sing at a wedding I okay it through our rector.
I don’t really think many non-members (or non-Christians) want to go through that to get married in our parish, which IMO is quite beautiful, especially for churches in the immediate area.