Church leaders training to deal with sexual misconduct are presented with a case study in which a parishioner says of a minister:
“Chris makes me feel really special — phoning and visiting me on a regular basis; knowing when to hug, when to listen, and when to share; and always complimenting me on my hairstyle, smile and overall appearance. Chris models compassion, sensitivity and servant-hood.”
Is Chris’ behavior appropriate for a minister, or does it overstep professional boundaries?
Al Miles, chaplain at the Queen’s Medical Center, poses such questions at training sessions held twice a year to remind Episcopal church representatives that there is zero tolerance for sexual misconduct, no matter how subtle. Miles is a national consultant and author of “Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know.”
Billy Graham made it simple for all of us years (decades) ago: “Never be in a room alone with a woman who’s not your wife or mother.” Follow that rule, and you’ll get some pressure to visit women at home alone from time to time (“Oh, but in *this* case it wouldn’t be a problem, pastor,” but in the long run, you’ll be glad you made it clear early & always as a pastor that “I will never be alone in a room with a person of the opposite sex.”
Knapsack is absolutely right. In addition, in a church where I was on the church council, we insisted on installation of a video recorder system, much like the ones you see in convenience stores, inside the pastor’s office, so he could counsel parishioners privately, behind a closed door, but still offer protection to him and the parishioners. There was no audio, and the recordings were made to a hard drive that was not accessible to the pastor; only the church trustees could make secure backups of the recordings. It’s not too expensive and you might check with your church professional liability insurance carrier to see if they will give you an insurance discount.
I once heard a novel idea that apparently some churches have adopted: you put a window on the door to the priest’s office… but you put it in the bottom half of the door. The idea is that this preserves the privacy of whoever is in the office, but passersby can glance in and see where everyone’s feet are.
I have my doubts about how effective that would be, but at least it’s an interesting idea.
All doors in our office have windows. When there’s no one in the office, I meet people for breakfast or lunch. There’s the possibility of someone interpreting those as social gatherings, but at least there are other people in the room.
And I rarely hug people, especially women. Married to a labor and employment attorney I’ve heard my fair share of stories where such actions can trigger lawsuits even though nothing was intended.