Imagine no “Imagine”: it’s easy if you are a crematorium with a moratorium on “unsuitable” songs for funerals.
Alongside its most recent survey on popular funeral music, the largest funeral director in the UK, Co-operative Funeralcare, has revealed that one in four funeral parlours has had song requests turned down by clerics. Among them is John Lennon’s song, with its lyrics “Imagine there’s no heaven”….
Huge numbers continue to ask for Frank Sinatra’s version of “My Way”. It has received the highest billing in each of the past seven surveys, and is requested at 15 per cent of all funerals. “Time To Say Goodbye”, by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli, is next on the list, followed by Bette Midler’s “Wind Beneath My Wings”.
Argh….I just had a funeral where “My Way” was requested. I was out of town on vacation for the planning of the funeral, and so my deacon allowed it, much to my chagrin when I returned. We finally compromised and allowed it to be played as the casket was exiting the church building. If it had just been up to me, I would never have allowed it, but since it had already been promised to the family, what do you do?
I have since sat down and written up a policy for funeral planning for the parish, including a list of what is not allowed. Secular music is on the top of the list, at least during the liturgy. If they want to say several eulogies or play favorite music at the wake or at the sandwich reception after the funeral, I do not have such a big deal with that as long as it isn’t completely sacrilegious.
The whole subject is fraught with difficulties. I tend to distinguish between church and crematorium (in US parlance: crematory). In the chapel of the latter I reckon that the family have hired the place for the time allotted, and that, within reason, anything they ask should be seriously considered. In church, on the other hand, we gather as a Christian community, witnesses to the resurrection of Christ, acknowledging ourselves and the deceased as sinners redeemed, and the liturgy should reflect that. However, I can recall in church eulogies that bordered on the improper, drawing attention ruefully to some or other failing of the deceased; yet, this is the part, after communion, that often ‘makes’ the service for the family, allows it to be personalised. As in all things I suppose it is a matter of striking a balance, and you just have to hope that it can be found.