Google employees once known as “Googlers” should now be referred to as either “Topekers” or “Topekans,” depending on the result of a board meeting that’s ongoing at this hour. Whatever the outcome, the conclusion is clear: we aren’t in Google anymore.

ROFL–read it all.

Leaders of the Evangelical Laodicean Church in North America last week announced the publication of a new hymnal. “This is truly a hymnal for the new century,” said Presiding Bishop Luke W. Arm. “This collection of hymns really captures the essence of our tradition,” Bishop Arm explained. “At the core of our belief is the motto, ‘Moderation in all things,’ and that applies to our faith life as well. We just don’t like to get carried away.”

When asked if the new hymnal will help the Laodicean Church attract new members, Bishop Arm replied, “People in today’s society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They’d much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our church seeks to meet that need. This hymnal will help with that, I think.”
Editor in chief of the new hymnal, Priscilla (“Presh”) S. Moment, explained some of the difficulty the committee had in choosing hymns. “Many of the old favourites just won’t cut it among Laodiceans,” said Moment. “We had to change a lot of the wording to make them fit with our style. We tried to incorporate some new songs into the book, but we had trouble finding Laodiceans interested in writing new music.”

The title of the new hymnal, Church Songs, was chosen very carefully, explained Moment. “We didn’t want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands any more like ‘Worship’ or ‘Hymn.'”

Here is a partial list of titles included in the new Laodicean hymnal:

A Comfortable Mattress Is Our God
Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
All Hail the Influence of Jesus’ Name!
Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
Be Thou My Hobby
Blest Be the Tie That Doesn’t Cramp My Style
Go Tell it on the Speed Bump
He’s Quite a Bit to Me
I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviours on Jesus
I Love to Talk about Telling the Story
I Surrender Some
I’m Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
It Is My Secret What God Can Do
Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
Just as I Pretend to Be
Just as I Am, with Lots of Excuses
Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
My Faith Looks Around for Thee
O, God, Our Enabler in Ages past
Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
Oh, How I like Jesus
Onward, Christian Reservists
Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
Sit Up, Sit up for Jesus
Special, Special, Special
Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere near Me
Spirit of God, Descend upon Their Hearts
Take My Life and Let Me Be
There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
When Peace, like a Trickle
When the Saints Go Sneaking in
Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down
for the night, Holmes said: “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what
you see”.

Watson: “I see millions and millions of stars”.

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God
is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells
me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes: “Somebody stole our tent.”

Most of us have now learned to live with “voice mail” as a necessary
as part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would
be like if God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English, press 1.
For Spanish, press 2.
For all other languages, press 0.

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests.
Press 2 for Thanksgiving.
Press 3 for Laments.
Press 4 for all other inquiries.

I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other
sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we
will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2.
Holy Spirit, press 3.

If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are
holding, press 4.

To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then
enter his or her social security number, followed by the “pound” sign.

For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the
numbers 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about life on other planets, how to reconcile God’s existence with evil that occurs in history, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive.

Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up
and try again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious
holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30 am. If you are calling
after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local
rector.

Thank you, and have a heavenly day .

It was Easter Sunday last year and Joe Cabuk, the pilot of a chartered plane carrying Doug White of Archibald, La., and his family, suffered a heart attack and died soon after takeoff in Florida.

White is certified to fly single-engine planes, but not the twin-engine turboprop he was aboard ”” but he took control and, with the help of air traffic controllers in Miami and Fort Myers, landed the aircraft safely.

Those air traffic controllers won the Archie League Medal of Safety Award, given by the National Air Traffic Controllers Association. When they receive that award Monday, Doug White will be there. Host Liane Hansen speaks with Brian Norton, one of the air traffic controllers who helped White land the plane.

I caught this on the way to worship this morning–the audio is just riveting. Listen to it all.

Pictures guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

A Russian chimpanzee has been sent to rehab by zookeepers to cure the smoking and beer-drinking habits he has picked up, a popular daily reported on Friday.

An ex-performer, Zhora became aggressive at his circus and was transferred to a zoo in the southern Russian city of Rostov, where he fathered several baby chimps, learned to draw with markers and picked up his two vices.

“The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze,” the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said.

Read it all.

The U.S. economy ceased to function this week after unexpected existential remarks by Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke shocked Americans into realizing that money is, in fact, just a meaningless and intangible social construct….

“It’s just an illusion,” a wide-eyed Bernanke added as he removed bills from his wallet and slowly spread them out before him. “Just look at it: Meaningless pieces of paper with numbers printed on them. Worthless.”

According to witnesses, Finance Committee members sat in thunderstruck silence for several moments until Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) finally shouted out, “Oh my God, he’s right. It’s all a mirage. All of it””the money, our whole economy””it’s all a lie!”

Read it all.

There are a lot of fun pictures here.

As many as 50,000 Lowcountry residents are without power this morning as a result of the snow.

An estimated 12,500 people are without power in Charleston and 14,000 more in the Summerville area, according to SCE&G.

Berkeley County Electric Co-op is reporting another 20,000 outages, down from more than 32,000 at its peak early this morning.

The Highway Patrol is urging motorists to stay off the icy and slushy roads unless absolutely necessary.

We lost power and have lots of downed limbs. The yard is a winter wonderland. Wow. Read it all.

Update: The local newspaper photogallery is here and local residents sent in photos there.

Wow.

I caught this one on yesterday morning’s run–really wonderful stuff.

Update: There is also a penguin slideshow here.

There are a total of 20 pictures–look at them all (slideshow link to the right once you get there).

Check it out.

Watch the whole video.

The courage I have needed to prepare and present this address would not have been possible without help from John Calvin and Jürgen Moltmann. In his only recently discovered book, Second Thoughts from Geneva, Calvin wrote, “Theology should be serious but not solemnly without humor.” And in a recent issue of Theology Today, Moltmann said, “Critical faith has achieved a reflective and free relationship with its basic traditions.”

Guided by such considerations, I want to make a plea for a genuine examination of the bonsesquilistic theology of Guido Buonofunacci as of peculiar importance to the ecumenical potentialities of our time. Rightly understood, I believe that Guido anticipated the work of Luther, Calvin, the Council of Trent, George Fox, Jonathan Edwards, Karl Barth, Paul Tillich, Harvey Cox, and Sam Keen, among others.

Until the great modem scholarly study of Buonofunacci by J. C. Smith, and some much more modest unpublished writings of my own, it is remarkable and reprehensible that Guido has simply been ignored by both Catholics and Protestants ever since he completed his twelve volumes in the fourteenth century. It is true that the slow development of printing in his time delayed for years the publication of his works in the modern book sense. And his writing Campanola and became Bishop of Pizza, be found time for his potential reading public. His was a relatively tranquil time. After he left his long pastorate at the Church of the Holy Buttons in Campanola and became bishop of Pizza, he found time for his voluminous writing. And by the date when his series was actually published, Luther, Calvin, Erasmus, Ciuto, Gebovitz, von Gliesbar, de Tuil, and others had entered the theological front stage. Without close examination, Protestants wrote him off as a Catholic. Catholics ignored him because he disliked Latin and Italian. Italians neglected him because he had written twelve books.

What a lot of fun–read it all.

A new species of cricket has been caught on camera – and its bizarre behaviour has surprised scientists.

Far from living up to the cricket’s plant-destroying reputation, this species lends a helping hand to flora by acting as a pollinator.

Scientists say this is the first time a cricket has been spotted pollinating a flower – in this case, an orchid.

A study of the nocturnal insect, which was found on the island of Reunion, has been published in the Annals of Botany.

Read it all and make sure to watch the video.

Frigid Nights of the sort that we have been experiencing this week beg the question of whether Columbia’s homeless have proper shelter.

Fortunately, Columbia’s Winter Homeless Shelter, with a little more than 200 beds, is open. But while we suspect the shelter will function better than it ever has before, now that it is operated by The Cooperative Ministry and the USC School of Medicine, it alone isn’t enough to meet the needs of the city’s homeless. There are an estimated 900 homeless people in Richland County – and that estimate is quite likely low.

While the city and others make gallant efforts to ensure people at least have some place to go to keep warm, the fact is that simply trying to keep homeless people from freezing to death during winter months isn’t enough. The Oliver Gospel Mission, which focuses on turning around lives, does what it does well, but its reach is limited; the same can be said for other shelters, programs and advocates who work tirelessly to help the homeless. The bottom line is we aren’t doing enough.

Read the whole editorial from South Carolina’s largest newspaper.

Watch it all.

It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, four-year-old Stephen had to stay home from church with a babysitter. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, Stephen asked what they were for.

“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by,” his mother explained.

“Wouldn’t you know it,” Stephen fumed. “The one Sunday I didn’t go, He showed up!”

In the nation’s capital, where $12.1 trillion of national debt looms and Democratic President Barack Obama’s projected 2010 budget shortfall is expected to hit $1.26 trillion, a bill is pending to establish up to $3,500 in annual tax deductions for the family pet.

The legislation is known as the HAPPY Act – Humanity and Pets Partnered Through the Years – and it has some support.

Read it all.

Wonderful stuff–read it all.

Take a look at this years entry–my favorite is stanza number two.

Listen to it all–a superb example of how to read a story.

Watch it all.